Chapter 13: In Which Henry Helps The Fast Food Industry

The Grammys ("Grammies?") is playing in the background as I write this review. Justin Timberlake is singing...I'm not really quite sure what Justin Timberlake has put out lately, but then again, I'm not exactly musically knowledgeable. Maybe I just don't listen to the right radio stations. All I want is to go back to alternating between Vanessa Carlton's "White House" and Pink's duet with the lead singer of Fun!, as I've been doing all day. Literally, I've been listening to these two songs all day. My family probably hates me. I'm sure they breathed a sigh of relief when I went to watch ABC's "Once Upon a Time". Tonight's episode is the thirteenth episode of the second season, called "Tiny." I hope you enjoy my review/recap!

What Happened:

The Fairytale World (Past):

• About seven or eight giants are all sitting down for dinner. Everyone is making verbal jabs against Anton, the littlest giant, who the others have nicknamed "Tiny." Through the conversation, we learn that Tiny is quite interested in human culture, despite the fact that the humans are not exactly beloved by giants. Tiny's eldest brother Harlow explains that Tiny needs to focus on planting and raising those multi-dimensional beans we saw in an earlier episode. 
• Charming's twin brother James is making out with someone. They're about to do the nasty when King George walks in. James is totally unfazed by this reversal of a typical childhood trauma, but George explains that we're watching an ABC show with a significant portion of its target audience under the age of fourteen, so we can't have sex scenes. 
• Across town, Tiny is sadly looking into a tavern window; he has come down the beanstalk, curious about the human world. Prince James and the woman he definitely did NOT "have a dalliance with" are there looking suave and adventurous. They offer Tiny a magic mushroom that will shrink him down for a few hours. He accepts, and the woman reveals her name to be Jacqueline..."JACK" for short. 

• Once in the bar, Tiny explains how he's not exactly in love with his family lately. Jack and James totally seduce him verbally and non-sexually, it feels like they're about to whip out a cigarette and force him to deal with peer pressure any second. 
• James goes off for a bathroom break, while Jack explains that James' kingdom is in major debt. Tiny offers to go and get some treasure for his new "friends."
• Later, Harlow walks in on Tiny stealing some treasure in the Giants' Castle. James and Jack walk in, too, but they're looking for the magic beans that the Giants grow...and they're willing to fight to take them. 
• It all ends quite badly. All of the giants except Tiny are killed, and Tiny is forced to burn all of the beans to keep them away from the humans. Jack is killed by Harlow, and James escapes with some treasure. Tiny receives a tiny bean seed that he may use in the future to regrow the beans, and is left alone. 

Storybrooke/Our World:

• Everyone is getting ready for a road trip at the Charming House!

• Of course, Emma was totally rude and didn't inform Rumpelstiltskin that she was taking Henry. Now he has to buy an extra plane ticket and everything. Emma retaliates to Rumpel's "ugh" look with an equally large one at his shawl, which protects him from the town boundary. 
• They leave, and Regina shows up looking for Henry. He, unfortunately, is not here, given that he just left. Snow and David give a really inadequate apology. 

"We feel moderately guilty about possibly implying that you may have done bodily harm to our therapist who never charges  for his sessions."

• The Charming couple goes and talks to Hook, thinking that he might know something about where Cora could be. He shows her the Invi-Ship and a cage that contains Tiny, who is...well, tiny. Or at least human size. The littlest giant is released, but sees David and thinks that he is his brother James, so he punches him out and flees. 
• Ruby visits a sedated Belle in the hospital. It's extremely sad, because Belle doesn't remember magic, or her best friend...oh, and Ruby talks to Greg, but no one cares about him. 

The Audience to Greg:

We're crying because we're not over our Ruby/Belle friendship feels. 

• David realizes that Tiny is mistaking him for his brother. At the same time, Henry asks Rumpelstiltskin a lot of annoying questions as they get ready to go through airport security. Rumpelstiltskin briefly goes through the security line without his scarf/shawl, which- because it is the magical talisman that helps him keep his fairytale identity- gives him a mini-headache/freakout. 
• Regina has a quick conversation with Hook in which she finds out that the Charmings found the ship, and refers to Cora needing "her things." Hook also makes yet another bondage joke. (We get it, Hook, you're a kinky guy. Stop making scenes uncomfortable.) The two also discuss how the giant will be an excellent distraction...
• After being given a size-increasing mushroom, Tiny wreaks havoc in town. David explains that he is not, in fact, James, but his twin brother, while Snow explains that they are, in fact, Emma's parents, but "she's kind of out of time!" (Best line of the episode!!!) 
• Tiny doesn't care about their lame excuses, so he goes after them. He smashes into a pipeline and shrinks back down, landing on a precarious pipe. He toys with the idea of letting himself die, which is rather dark for a Disney-sponsored show, but David and co. manage to rescue the giant. 
• Anton/Tiny is inducted into part of the main cast when he goes to Granny's diner. He worries about being a misfit, and Grumpy delivers what is certainly the most ironic line of the episode: "We got all kinds in Storybrooke!"

Y'know, except for black people, Asian people, Hispanic people, gay people, other sexual minorities...

• Tiny is given a field to plant his last bean in, which the dwarves promise to guard, since everyone is concerned that Cora wanted Tiny to plant the beans for some nefarious ulterior motive. 
• Belle is unnerved to find yet another creepy older  man visiting her in her hospital room, but this time it's Greg Mendel, who says that he saw the ball of fire in Rumpelstiltskin's hand, too...
• Snow and Charming discuss how fun it was to go on an adventure together again, and worry a little over Emma. Snow reaffirms her desire to stay in Storybrooke, since it's the first place that their family has been able to be together. 
• Rumpelstiltskin slams his fist against a toilet-paper dispenser in a bathroom. He tries to heal it, but there is no magic outside of Storybrooke, which really freaks him out. Our trio gets on the plane, and Henry snacks on a cinnamon bun. 

What I Thought:

   I'm not in love with Tiny, but it's not exactly Tiny's fault. As one of my friends commented to me, this is basically a rehash of "The Little Mermaid," only with giants instead of merpeople. I feel bad using this as a critique point, because so many stories have similar elements. It's in the nature of stories to use certain tropes, cliches, and conflicts, simply because these are the plot elements that appeal to us as human beings. It doesn't make the writers unoriginal nor lazy, and it usually doesn't turn the audience/reader off, because we don't so much care about the skeleton of the story as we do the muscle and skin and hair and make-up. There are plenty of versions of "The Little Mermaid" that don't involve a teenage half-fish obsessed with 18th-century architecture. Anyone who watches "Game of Thrones" knows about Arya Stark, a young girl far more interested in the culture and activities of men in her society over those traditionally associated with women. Fans of "Doctor Who" see women voyage away from a world they view as mundane into other galaxies, leaving their families behind. I'm sure you can think of similar examples. The main point is that there are many stories like this, with a young person interested in the world beyond their own who ventures forth and finds trouble, and I just didn't like this version.
   Tiny didn't have enough unique layers to make him stand out in my mind as interesting. Another one of my friends and I discussed this episode earlier today, when we talked about how- other than his obsession with and subsequent hatred of humans- we don't really know who Anton is as a person. It's entirely possible that in future episodes we'll get to know him better, though; after all, if I had been writing these during Season 1, I might have said the same thing about Snow and Charming. They've gotten a ton of development since then that shows us they're not their cliches, and they have a lot backing them up in terms of emotion and motivation. If the writers choose to give some more attention to certain minor characters like Tiny, the problems I've noted might pleasantly fade away.
   This episode, we were treated to a few nice moments with some minor characters. I'm digging the subplot involving Belle and Greg; hopefully these two launch some fun detective mission to learn about the not-so-silent elephant in the, er...town square.

I hope they ask Regina what she knows about fireballs. 

   I also like the consistency when it comes to Ruby and her animosity towards outsiders. If the world at large were to learn about Storybrooke, she would be one of the citizens who could stand to lose the most, and I like that the show is remembering that. I also hope we get more arguments between Snow and David; I've liked seeing the realistic portrayal of their relationship lately. 

   Oh, before I forget-- I have to tear into Grumpy's "We've got all kinds in Storybrooke" line, because it's a bit absurd and indicative of a larger problem within the show: diversity! Lancelot, our only black character, is presumably dead, and Mulan, our only Asian character, is having off-screen adventures in Fairytale Land! Also, where are some LGBTQI characters? I realize that this isn't a very sexual show, but most characters have had romances of one sort or another, and I don't see why we couldn't have "The Prince and the Frog" or "The Swan Princess" and, er... "and another Princess!" I know Disney backs this show, and it's not known for leading the equality bandwagon, but this show is on ABC, for Regina's sake! The same network as "Modern Family" and "Grey's Anatomy," two shows lauded for their portrayal of same-sex relationships! Let's give LeRoy's line some justification with racially diverse and LGBTQI characters !!!! 

My Score:

7/10. 

Tiny's personality is a bit too small at the moment. Give us more Ruby!

My Questions:

• Will Henry ever pass the fifth grade at the rate he's been skipping? 
• How long would Rumpelstiltskin have to be parted with his scarf (what is this "shawl" nonsense) to lose his Fairytale memories for good?
• Is Neal really Baelfire? 
• Just how good is Cora gonna look with her hair down?

Next Week:

Henry escapes in Times Square, Mr. Gold goes shopping for a new cane, and Emma totally meets her ex-boyfriend! But shhh- the writers don't want us to know yet!

(Disclaimer: As always, I've used a lot of gifs, cultural references, memes, and photos. If you or someone you know owns/made one of the gifs/photos/etc., comment below and let me know- I'll take it down, if that's what you wish. I don't claim ownership of any of them, I just browse Tumblr and other sites for ones that fit my blog. Also, I own none of the media I reference. "Once Upon a Time" belongs to ABC, the Harry Potter series belongs to J.K. Rowling and whoever made the movies, "The Little Mermaid" to Disney, "The Road to El Dorado" belongs to Dreamworks, "Family Guy" to Fox and Seth Macfarlene... etc., etc...I own nothing. This blog is for entertainment purposes only! Also, this show is written, acted, made and produced by people far more successful than me thus far in my life. I love it, and I only critique because I care! I also know far less about the world than I pretentiously seem to!)

Chapter 12: In Which Cora Decides To Ger Her Learner's Permit

So...I would go into a lengthy explanation about why exactly I'm two weeks late with this review/recap of ABC's newest episode of "Once Upon a Time," 2x12: "In the Name of the Brother:... but you probably don't care, you're just mad it's late, and I don't feel like typing it out. So let's get down to it on this Superbowl Sunday.

What Happened:

NOT the Fairytale Land...

• It's Christmas in a pre-Technicolor land that consists of a mountain, a mansion, a graveyard, and two goats. The local [insert hereditary title here] is toasting his younger son, Gerhard, who's a dashing but bashful dude back from the war. He's got a medal that his Marquis/Duke/State Senator dad can't stop talking about, which makes his big nerdy brother Victor feel sad and ignored. 
• Victor's little bro gets a pretty watch from his dad that apparently the family's mother wanted to keep in the family. The dad says this extremely pointedly so that Victor may realize that he is definitely not talking about his eldest son when he says the word "family." 

Victor:

Victor and Gerhard's Dad:

("Oh, BTW, have this expensive commission I bought you. It's your ticket into a job that you not only will hate, but also a career field that really should be based on leadership quality and not be something that one can buy their way into." Parenting 101, everybody.)

• Victor's little brother is really supportive and sweet, and offers to give him the watch from their mother, telling him how important he knows Victor's scientific work to find everlasting life is. Meanwhile, Rumpelstiltskin's in the background like, 

"Look at all these people who look like they were filmed in the 1920s!"

• Rumpelstiltskin then materializes in the lab of dear Vicky and starts discussing magic, science, and resurrection. He then pulls out Hermione's magical purse and dumps three years' worth of Galleons at Victor's feet, exchanging the money for Victor's knowledge of resurrection. 
• Gerhard walks in on Victor digging up bodies! Victor tries to explain that it's the only way to experiment in his very specific line of scientific inquiry, but before Gerhard can tell him just how gross that is, he gets shot by the one other person in this semi-magical land: a soldier! 
• Victor tries to resurrect Gerhard, but the body's heart cannot take the copious amounts of electricity required. I get the feeling that Victor hasn't exactly tested this method before, not even with a rat or mythical amphibian. 
• Speaking of mythical amphibians, Victor's dad busts in and gives a long angry speech when he learns his youngest son his dead. The conversation culminates in him basically disowning Victor.

• We then segue --

(teehee)

• --into the lead-in to episode 2x05, "The Doctor," with Rumpelstiltskin appearing before Victor and telling him that he can get the Doctor a strong heart that can withstand the electrical shock. One other episode later, Victor has his heart and resurrects his little bro. 

• Then Gerhard reveals that he's lost a good deal of humanity and mainly talks in grunts, gives in more easily to his emotional instincts, and kills his dad in a fit of rage when said dad is a jerk to Victor again.  Victor is horrified at what he's created, Gerhard is horrified at what he's done, and the two brothers almost agree it's best if Gerhard dies right now. However, Victor, convinced that he can save his brother's humanity, storms off and locks Gerhard in a cell. 

That just happened, I guess...?

Storybrooke

• In the wake of the car accident at the end of the last episode, Belle screams at Mr. Gold to get away from her, and reasonably so (she's shot, he's creepy, let's move on). Mr. Gold uses magic to heal the bullet wound, then goes to beat up Hook. It takes David to wrestle him off of the plowed-down pirate. He and Emma then go to investigate the crashed car, which they realize has a "stranger" inside of it (I use quotes because Storybrooke has nearly all the population of the Fairytale Land, I highly doubt that Emma knows the face of every single citizen.)
• The unconscious man is brought to the hospital, where Dr. Whale is drinking. I'm not a doctor, but I learned from Grey's Anatomy that that is SO not allowed. 

The Audience:

• After two uncomfortable scenes in which Rumpelstiltskin kisses an unconscious Belle who doesn't remember him (hint: she wakes up. It's awkward, but she tells him to keep it in his medieval lederhosen. What does he think this is, a Disney movie from the Fifties?) and Hook hits on Emma and makes a bondage joke while handcuffed to his hospital bed. According to Hook, he has now gained his revenge on Rumpelstiltskin, since he hurt Belle-- the one thing Rumpel truly loves. 
• Meanwhile, Ruby, Grumpy, Snow, and David (most of whom are wearing black and/or leather jackets) are in the hallway of the hospital trying to guess the password of "The Stranger"'s phone. Ruby tells the group that since there are exactly ten thousand possibilities to what the password could be, they'll probably never guess it. 
• Somehow, we learn his name is Greg Mendel. The group freaks out about outsiders a little. Doctor Whale comes out and lets the group know that Greg has internal bleeding. Everyone looks extremely pointedly at Gold, but he refuses to heal Greg on the basis that he saw Gold do magic, and therefore knows far too much to live. 
• LeRoy/Grumpy agrees: he wants to outright kill Greg. 

Snow, Emma, Maybe David, Ruby, and Hopefully The Audience:

LeRoy/Aptly-Named Grumpy:

• Everyone shoots this idea down as fast as we would hope anyone labeled "protagonists" would. Snow uses her motherly instincts to quickly realize that Dr. Whale is drunk, but he goes to do surgery anyway. As he does, Greg's phone rings with the Star Wars theme, which is totally legal since Disney owns ABC and Lucasarts now. Someone is looking for Greg.
• In Rumpelstiltskin's shop, he holds the chipped cup. He turns around and finds Cora is there! She asks to be allowed to win back Regina in exchange for a way to find Baelfire, which is in a box. Cora then reveals to the audience that she was taught by Rumpelstiltskin. The two mages agree to a truce, and then seal the pact with a kiss, implying they were once in a relationship.
• While David asks Whale if he's drunk (Whale denies it), someone keeps calling Greg. He has the caller ID for this number labeled as "Her." Emma and the gang find Whale's pager in the trash and realize that he is not  in the Operating Room. 
• Across town, Cora sneaks into Regina's secret lair, magically disguised as Henry. She apologizes for the deception, then tries to convince Regina that she is sorry for her actions and forgives Regina for trying to kill her. She only framed Regina to show her what the townspeople really thought of the former Queen. Regina decides to bring Cora to town so that she can confess to everyone that she framed her daughter with Archie's "murder." Cora "agrees."

Because that'll actually happen.

• Cora marvels at modern technology while Regina drives her to, I dunno, the town square? (I would legitimately watch an episode where Regina teaches Cora to drive. If you agree, comment,we'll start a petition.) On the way there, Cora implies that Regina will always be an outcast...Henry will never really love her again. It's super sad. Cora says she wants her daughter back, leading to Regina hugging her (after pulling the car over, of course) and the two women allying to get Henry back.

I bet Lana Parilla could rock this song in "Once Upon a Time: The Musical."

• Ruby uses her wolf-tracking to find Dr. Whale. He tries to jump off the docks after throwing the watch from Gerhard into the water, but Ruby saves him and gives him a pep talk. They rush back to the hospital, where the suddenly-sober Whale saves Greg in surgery. Emma interviews him and learns that Greg was TEXTING WHILE DRIVING. 

• This is not okay, Greg!!!! This is dangerous! This is how people like Hook wind up in the hospital!!! Unfortunately, Emma only cares about getting Greg out of town ASAP, so she lets him off with NO CHARGES, since he can't remember anything about the magic usage. Yeah, he'll never suspect that something's up in this town. 
• Rumpelstiltskin goes to talk to Belle, to whom he gives the chipped cup. As she sees it, he's a creeper who won't leave her alone and she doesn't know why. Therefore, it's not really surprising that she throws the cup against the wall. It's still rather sad, though (and if you read my review last week, you'll know that I don't even like Rumbelle).
• The next day, Rumpelstiltskin takes out a magical globe from the box that Cora gave him. He pricks his finger and uses the plot to make a map on the globe that pinpoints Baelfire's location. 
• At the Royal Family's apartment, Henry demands to know what happened the night before, since he slept through it all. Nobody tells him, it's delightful. They do mention that it involved Dr. Whale/Frankenstein, which freaks Henry out; according to Henry, the story of Frankenstein is definitely not in his book-- it's not even a fairytale. He theorizes that this means there could be people from many different worlds in Storybrooke, not just The Fairytale Land. 
• Rumpelstiltskin arrives and cashes in Emma's favor that she promised to him a very long time ago, back in Season 1 (I honestly forget what it was for. If you comment and let me know, you get a virtual ice cream cone). He demands that Emma comes with him to go outside of Storybrooke and find Baelfire.

Roadtriiiiiiiiiiip!!!!

• Back in the hospital, Greg wakes up, calls his wife, and tells her that something is odd about this little town he's found himself within...

What I Thought

   Does anyone like Stir Fries? 

   I do. The chicken, the rice, the veggies, be they bok choi or broccoli or celery, sometimes noodles...all of it. There's not one favorite part, because every little part of the stir fry is already so mouth-watering. When put together, it's just this big, delicious, amazing experience for my taste buds. 

   That's kind of how this episode was for me. There were a lot of wonderful little moments all chained together to make an excellent show. "Once Upon a Time" has an ensemble cast, and it really knew that this episode. We got to see Regina go through some progression that, while heart-wrenching, made sense for her character. Fans of Emma and Hook as a couple got some interaction between the two, while Rumpelstiltskin finally took a step closer to reaching his ultimate goal. In the flashback scenes, the writers gave us an episode that resembled some of the quality ones from Season 1, especially given that the black and white scenes paralleled the emotional chaos Whale was going through in Storybrooke. There were some fun group scenes in the hospital, like when Grumpy, Ruby, Snow and David were trying to guess the phone password. Everyone got a moment, and I felt that the writers balanced it all really well. 

   Other than Victor's dad's terrible acting, there really wasn't that much I didn't like. Ruby got a lot of fun moments this episode. I love that she knew the number of possible passwords, and I adore that she got to save the day by finding Whale and saving him from suicide. It was good to hear that the writers weren't forgetting about past continuity: Ruby talks about the fact that she ate her boyfriend, and that she's had to deal with it. She sort of laughs off the explanation, but you can tell she's trying to play it cool. Ruby definitely strikes me as one of the most down-to-earth characters to me. She's able to see that The Curse had some benefits (I have a feeling Snow or LeRoy would have shot down this line of thinking immediately), which demonstrates that she can think objectively. At the same time, Ruby acknowledges that dwelling on the past does nothing, and that everyone in Storybrooke should make the best of the new beginnings fate has given them. This was a really cool example of how a character can shine in an episode without being the focus of the flashbacks. Indeed, one could make the argument that Whale is not the main character, and instead serves as a means to tie together the wonderful moments that all of the other characters get. Whether he is the chicken binding the veggies and carbs together, or just the teriyaki sauce, I think it's safe to say that this was a delicious stir fry, and I eagerly await the next serving. 

   (Speaking of vegetables, Greg's last name is Mendel. Greg Mendel is the name of a scientist known for his experiments involving genetics and peas. I guess the science vs. magic theme got itself an Easter Egg this week.)

My Score:

8/10.

The flashbacks weren't intriguing, but there was a lot of fun to be had in Storybrooke this week.

My Questions:

• Were you as excited as I was by Henry's theory regarding other worlds? What other characters are likely to show up now that the "fairytales-only" restriction has been lifted?
• How strict will Gold hold Emma to the favor? Does the roadtrip only end once they find Bael?
• Is Henry going to resent Emma for leaving him so soon after coming home?

Next Week:

The giant returns, and he's lost weight! Rumpelstiltskin and Emma argue over what to watch in cheap motels while on their roadtrip!

(Disclaimer: As always, I've used a lot of gifs, cultural references, memes, and photos. If you or someone you know owns/made one of the gifs/photos/etc., comment below and let me know- I'll take it down, if that's what you wish. I don't claim ownership of any of them, I just browse Tumblr and other sites for ones that fit my blog. Also, I own none of the media I reference. "Once Upon a Time" belongs to ABC, the Harry Potter series belongs to J.K. Rowling and whoever made the movies, "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" to Disney, "New Girl" belongs to Fox, "Les Miserables" to , um...I dunno... etc., etc...I own nothing. This blog is for entertainment purposes only!)