Chapter 9: In Which Hook is a Wannabe-Ninja

This is it, guys and girls, ladies and gentlement, people from across the globe. Tonight was the grand (Winter) finale of ABC's "Once Upon a Time," 2x09: "Queen of Hearts." It was a wrap-up to the first half of the season's storylines, so we were expecting a lot from it. Did it deliver? Let's find out!

 

What Happened:

 

The Fairytale Land (the Past)

• Hook is a total master of disguise. Using his Cloak of Hiddenness, he manages to break into Belle's cell, where Regina is keeping her. He asks Belle is she knows how to Rumpelstiltskin, but soon learns she's about as helpful as a Blue-Ray disc in the Nineties.
• Regina shows up looking like a stylish Fifties fashion designer (I mean, seriously, THAT HAIR) and wants to know why Hook is messing with her prisoner. When she learns of his desire to kill Rumpelstiltskin, she decides to offer him a deal:  Kill her mother, Cora (so that she doesn't get taken to Storybrooke when Regina casts the curse) and Regina will help her kill Rumpelstiltskin.

Hook:

"Meh, Les Miserables doesn't come out for a month, I got time to kill...I'm in."

 

Regina:



 

• So then Hook goes to Wonderland, where apparently Cora has taken up residence as the Queen of Hearts. We don't really find out why, but she was disguising her face and voice. Whatevs.
• Hook tries to steal Cora's heart using a magic something-or-other given to him by Regina. Unfortunately, it doesn't work. Cora stops him and steals Hook's heart. When she learns what he was doing, she has him do something for her, instead.
• Hook lugs Cora back to the main Fairytale Land, where he plops her in a coffin and pretends she's dead. Regina buys it, and actually seems quite saddened: apparently she only wanted Cora dead because she still loved her, despite everything Cora had done to her. She didn't want Cora to hold her back, because- as Cora once told Regina- "love is weakness."
• Later, we discover how Mulan, Aurora, Philip, Cora, and Hook were protected from the curse: Cora cast a protective spell over herself and Hook, along with a large portion of the Fairytale Land that they were standing in. Everyone there was protected from the curse. It looked a lot like the defensive charms from the Battle of Hogwarts, but I digress.

 

The Fairytale Land AND Storybrooke (present) - (these two are far too tied together this week to separate...)

• Within Gold's shop, David is snoozing and Henry is reading to him. Regina thinks it's sweet, even though we all know she's vomiting on the inside.
• Gold and Regina discuss the fact that while Emma and Snow MIGHT be the ones to make it out of the portal, it's far more likely Cora will win. In the name of practicality, the two schemers decide to pull a heist!



Is it too soon to make a joke regarding who could have helped them? Technically he's been dead twenty-eight years, sooooooo...?

• Back in the Fairytale Land, the Disney Princess Brigade gets to Rumpelstiltskin's cell. Unfortunately for them, they don't find the ink-- only a piece of paper with Emma's name written on it over, and over, and over again...it's, like, TOTALLY "Criminal Minds: European Folklore."
• Suddenly Aurora traps them in their cell! Has she betrayed them all? Is she jealous that Mulan got a sundial patent and didn't split the reward with her? No, nothing nearly so melodramatic, it's just Cora and Hook using her disembodied heart to possess her.
• Cora and Hook snatch the compass back. Hook takes a moment to let Emma know, in no uncertain terms, that they are never, ever, EVER getting back together. She could care less. The shippers should care less, but we do. We DO care. Many a "Captain Swan" fan will spend the month of December aching for the Romance of the Year to pick up again.



Yes, Leah Michelle...Yes, we have.

• Regina and Gold cackle and tiptoe up to the Magic Well in the Storybrooke Woods (remember the one from last year's finale? The one that Gold poured the True Love Potion into in order to bring magic back to Storybrooke?) Together, they dump the magic they stole from the fairy-dust mines into the well via a lightning-bolt, booger-colored so that we know it's bad.
• Henry and Ruby show up, horrified at what Regina has done. Regina and Gold assure them that it's a necessary and realistic defense; Cora will most likely defeat Emma and Snow, thus allowing herself to enter Storybrooke and hurt Henry. The kid is less than understanding.
• In the Fairytale Land, Mulan further proves her intelligence by locating the ink bottle. It's empty, unfortunately. Snow then realizes that the ink is within the paper, written a thousand times as Emma's name. She blows the words off the scroll of Creeper Paper and into the bars, thus releasing them.
• The Disney Princess Brigade arrives to the lake where Hook and Cora were about to jump into a portal to Storybrooke. They have a REALLY, uber-intense battle with lots of "Girl, please" and "This place about to" moments, it's really quite exciting. (Oh, and Hook and Emma have more eyesex. LOTS more. That's probably the real reason Cora is angry, because she thinks Emma is stealin' "her man.")
• Eventually, Mulan gets Aurora's heart back and goes off to free her. Cora tries to grab Emma's heart, but it won't work- a big blast of energy comes out of Emma's heart and knocks Cora down.



Emma has the Power of Heart!

• Emma and Snow make it back to Storybrooke safely, thanks to Regina deciding to trust Henry that Good would win and Emma and Snow would be the ones to come through the portal, resulting in a vastly-painful spell in which Regina sucked up the evil booger-colored lightning bolt so that Snow and Emma survived the trip home.
• Henry is totally ungrateful, but luckily Emma has better manners. Snow kisses David and wakes him up, Henry FINALLY thanks Regina before going off to get dinner with Emma, and Regina is very sad because Gold rubs the whole "There goes your son, off to look up to another woman as his mother figure" thing in her face. In the Fairytale Land, Mulan and Aurora go off to look for the way to restore Philip.
• Off in the distance, Hook and Cora sail up to Storybrooke harbor in a freaking PIRATE SHIP; apparently they had a magic bean left over from the Giant's house that allowed them to navigate the portal and arrive in Storybrooke. They roll up, all ready to conquer, like, you just KNOW they're jamming to Ke$ha and getting ready to take over Storybrooke. And the cool thing is...I almost found myself rooting for 'em.

 

What I Thought:

 

   I loved the ending. I freaking LOVED the ending. I just cannot...I mean, that's so cool. That is SOOOOOO cool, and you all know it. But, ah... *ahem* I suppose I should try and reclaim a little bit of professionalism for the "review" portion of this post.

    The best part of this episode was the ending. That's not to say the rest was bad, because it wasn't. It was decent stuff. Nothing too surprising, simply because all signs had been pointing to this, but it was still enjoyable. Snow and Emma got home, Cora and Hook were defeated for now, Regina managed to get a little bit farther in her relationship to Henry...not too surprising.

   The ending, on the other hand, blew me out of the water, almost literally. This is something that has clearly been being built towards all season, and it had to happen in the way that it did. Emma and Snow have been battling Cora and Hook all season long, but we always kind of knew they'd win. Because, as Henry kept insisting, "Good always wins." That might not be the case for much longer. Cora, who clearly is a more powerful mage than Regina and possibly Gold, has arrived in Storybrooke. The very thing Regina and Gold were afraid of is occurring before our very eyes, right after multiple episodes of people telling us how bad this would be if it came to pass. With Cora in power, arriving in Storybrooke, I'm really looking forward to a lot of Fairytale Land conventions being challenged. Love might not conquer all, because Cora's launching an attack that she can, and likely will, win.

    I think we're looking ahead to a Storybrooke at war. In a war, people tend to change and grow up, and now always for the better. Henry might have to adjust his naivete a bit over the second half of the season, starting in January. Maybe things will be less black and white, now that we're back in our world. Surely with Neal on his way and Emma's possible romantic feelings for Hook, that's something that's got potential romantically as well as morally. Regina clearly wants to remain a presence in Henry's life, which may not happen with Emma back in the picture. So what does she do-- fight Emma to be in Henry's life again? Will Emma give in, or try to keep Henry for herself? I think we're going to be seeing a lot of grey in the second half of this season, and Good might not always win in every decision that will be made...

 

My Score: 7/10. A somewhat predictable plot was redeemed by an exciting lead into the rest of the season.

 

My Predictions for The Show's Return:

-Emma will try to leave Storybrooke to be with Neal.

-Hook will develop feelings for Emma, but she won't visibly reciprocate (if she does eventually admit to them, it won't be until the Season Finale).

-Henry will learn magic from Regina.

-Belle will break things off with Gold, so that Hook can't use her against him. It'll work about as well as it did for Spider-Man and Mary Jane.

-We won't hear from August, Mulan, or Aurora for awhile...

-...but we'll get some new "modernizations" of fairy tale characters who have been in Storybrooke this whole time, just in the background (I know there were rumors of Ariel, Aladdin, and Jafar for this season, along with Wizards of Oz characters. Of course, the rumors started this past summer, so they might not be accurate, but we can only hope!)

 

 

(Disclaimer: As always, I've used a lot of gifs, cultural references, memes, and photos. If you or someone you know owns/made one of the gifs/photos/etc., comment below and let me know- I'll take it down, if that's what you wish. I don't claim ownership of any of them, I just browse Tumblr and other sites for ones that fit my blog. Also, I own none of the media I reference. "Once Upon a Time" belongs to ABC, Ke$ha songs belong to Ke$ha, "Glee" belongs to Fox, God knows who "Captain Planet" belongs to, etc., etc...I own nothing.)







Chapter 8: In Which Mulan Ditches These Losers Because She's Really Much Smarter Than Them

Hola, my children! It's been a while, what with the two-week hiatus. Apparently that's just a practice for what may be a longer one, given that there's a Winter Finale coming up next week (but the show will reemerge sometime in January.) A lot happened this week, and now that we know there's a mid-season finale coming up next week, it makes a lot more sense...so let's get cracking! This is my recap/review of ABC's "Once Upon a Time," Episode 2x08: "Into the Deep."

*A note: several of this week's events crisscrossed between Storybrooke and The Fairytale Land. I'll be covering them from each side's perspective, in no particular order. 

What Happened:

The Fairytale Land

• We open with Hook finally getting down from that beanstalk. Cora's waiting for him at the bottom, and she's none too happy that Hook ditched her for the Disney Princess Brigade. He tries to get back on her good side, but she'll have none of it: she's off to get the compass back, and will most definitely NOT be taking Hook with her to Storybrooke.
• Cora, who's been runnin' 'round, leaving scars, collecting herself a jar of hearts, goes to said cabinet of cardio organs and uses them to raise up a horde of angry zombies. Take notes, this'll come back to bite the DPB in the butt later. 
• Aurora informs Emma, Snow, and Mulan of her dream, and the Netherworld room she found herself within. Emma decides they can use this to communicate with Henry. 

Basically the level of familiarity they have with their chosen method of communication.

• That night, Aurora meets Henry in the Red Room, within the Netherworld that only people who have been under (and awakened from!) a Sleeping Curse can go to. She informs him that his mother and grandmother are alright, but need Rumpel's help to try and defeat Cora.
• The DPB keeps trekking along the next day, following the compass to the portal to Storybrooke, but Mulan notices that Aurora has a burn- apparently the Red Room can actually hurt people within it, if they let the flames touch them.She's reluctant to let her friend Aurora go back there, given that she swore to her crush/BFF/comrade/whatevs Philip that Aurora would be safe. Aurora, however, basically tells Mulan she feels useless and needs to do something to contribute. 

"Mulan...you, Snow and Emma have done, like, the ENTIRE project. I need to at least do a little bit so that I don't feel totally guilty when we all get an A+..."

• The next time Aurora goes to sleep, she sees Henry. But he's, like, TOTALLY unhelpful, because he times his directions whenever the fire bursts up. So whatever he's trying to say, Aurora doesn't hear. Unfortunately, Mulan chooses this exact moment to wake Aurora up because...
• The camp is under attack by zombies!!!!

• Yep, Cora's zombies are back with a vengeance. Snow and Emma manage to fight most of them off, but because Snow was too busy caught in her Katniss roleplaying to pay attention, Mulan managed to sneak Aurora out of camp.
• Unfortunately, Mulan got caught up fighting more zombies, so Aurora was kidnapped. She's kind of the group's Daphne...
• Cora goes and torments Aurora in her cell, way across the Fairytale Land. Aurora is actually surprisingly snarky back at Cora. Cora throws a curve ball at Aurora when she tells her that Philips Dementor-sucked-- I mean, "wraith"-sucked soul is actually just in another dimension, so she could hypothetically get it back. Luckily, Aurora calls her out her crap.

Cora gets told. 

• Back across the forest, Mulan is arguing with Emma and Snow. They've been given what amounts to a magical ransom note from Cora: give her the compass by sundown if they want to get Aurora back. Snow and Emma decide that, since Snow was once under a Sleeping Curse, she could go to the Red Room in the Netherworld, too. Mulan doesn't like the idea of playing for time...but she agrees. For now.
• In the Netherworld, Snow finds Charming, who has apparently been put under a Sleeping Curse willingly, all in order to find and communicate with Snow. He informs Snow that to stun and restrain Cora, they will need a special bottle of ink, which lies in Rumpelstiltskin's cell back in Snow and Charming's old castle. The two try to kiss to wake David up from the spell, but it doesn't work, because they're not in their physical bodies.
• Snow emerges from her sleep, horrified to learn her husband will be in a deep sleep until she gets back home. Emma's got worse news: Mulan has run off with the compass, determined to give it back to Cora in order to save Aurora.

Mulan's Grand Plan

"Um yeah I'm off to rescue Aurora and we're just gonna go and hang out away from all of your drama, and make lots of sundials and patent them, and with the money we make, we're gonna BUY the portal back to Storybrooke."

•  Luckily for the group, Aurora has been freed by Captain Hook, who told Aurora he was freeing her to spite Cora. 
• Aurora and the group are reunited before Mulan can give Cora the compass, but little does the Disney Princess Brigade know that Hook carved out Aurora's heart and gave it to Cora. Now, Cora is spying on the DPB, controlling Aurora even as the group makes their way to get the MacGuffin-colored Ink...

Storybrooke

• Henry wakes up from his sleep and informs Regina and David that he saw Aurora; the two are okay, but they need to know how to defeat Regina's mother, Cora.
• Regina goes to Granny's Diner, where she interrupts THE most uncomfortable-looking date in the history of uncomfortable-looking dates. It doesn't help that everyone in the diner clearly hates Rumpelstiltskin. Lord, this must be uncomfortable for Belle. 

I know I feel awkward when my (nonexistent) date starts telling me how magical condiments are.

• Regina gets Rumpelstiltskin to come help with the Henry situation. In the convincing conversation, there's some interesting dialogue that seems to indicate that Rumpel was the one who taught Cora her magic, and that they had a violent falling-out. Rumpel is spurred to action by Regina pointing out that if Cora does get to Storybrooke, she could hurt Belle. 
• Regina and Rumpel, watched by David, send Henry back into the Netherworld, explaining that the fiery room is accessible only to those who have awakened from a Sleeping Curse. Meanwhile, Henry awakens there and talks to Aurora, trying to let her know Rumpel's idea for getting rid of Cora: she can be stunned in a similar way that Rumpelstiltskin was by Snow and David, which allowed him to be imprisoned long, long ago. It will take the bottle of ink that the two used (remember the Cinderella episode way back when? They put it in a quill to trap Rumpelstiltskin...). The inkbottle is in Rumpel's old jail cell. Yeah, it'll be a lot of work. But nothing good ever came with a little bit of work. I think. So they tell me. 
• Unfortunately, the flames are too high and Henry cannot make himself heard to Aurora. She gets sucked out of the Netherworld by Mulan awakening her. Henry, in turn, wakes up to find himself severely burnt. ("Ouch, Netherworld! That hurt! Netherworld burned me!")

• Rumpelstiltskin heals him, then David demands to be put under a Sleeping Curse, since he and Regina are totally united by their desire to keep Henry safe.  Regina makes up the curse, and she and Henry get a really nice bonding moment over their mutual love of chemistry. 
• David undergoes the curse and arrives in the Netherworld. However, since it's his first time under such a curse, he has to make his way through a dark dimension of mirrors before he's able to find the fiery room.
• He does so in all of two minutes, and then finds Snow. Within the fiery room, he informs her of what she needs to do. They try to kiss in order to wake him up, but it doesn't work: a tearful Snow realizes that David will be asleep until she can get back to him. 
• A sad Henry looks over his beloved grandfather while Regina and Rumpelstiltskin share a knowing glance. (Because they know they're gonna have to lug David over to the extremely short-staffed hospital for the duration of the spell...and neither one of them is feeling particularly energetic.)

What I Thought:

   This episode made a lot more sense once I found out that next week was the Winter Finale. I kept feeling that there was a lot of back-and-forth, and wondering what it was all about. Now it's clear: we're being set up for next week's episode. That was the ultimate purpose of this episode. 

    Despite the fact that it was a set-up episode, the writers still put in some really nice character moments. Aurora and Mulan both got some much needed development; after all, they really hadn't done all that much since the season premiere. We now see how important promises are to Mulan, which is quite beautiful , if you think about it: whether she loved Philip romantically, or as a best friend (at this point, I think either is possible), she still misses him. The only bit of him that she still has is the promise she made to him- the promise to keep Aurora safe. It made sense that she was willing to die for Aurora, because keeping her promise to Philip is her most important goal at the moment.

    Aurora, too, had some interesting and surprising developments. I was glad to see that she wasn't all whine-- the girl's got some snark to her. You could tell how much she wanted to ask Cora about the potential way to get Philip back, but she resisted the urge and kicked Cora. You go, Aurora! 

Oh, Aurora. Now we know what your role in the group is: Witty Dialogue Specialist.

    Now, let's talk about Regina and Hook briefly, my two favorites of the season (and the whole show, let's be honest). I'm so, so glad the writers have kept their storylines ongoing this season. Regina is still trying to reconnect with Henry, and it looks like it's really paying off. All of her resistance, her self-control, her abstinence from using magic...it's all paying off. Henry is finally able to trust her a bit. I cannot express enough how much I adored the conversation between those two. Henry was tentative, and rightfully so, but...it's really a sign of how much Regina is trying to change, that she didn't push the conversation to mean more than it did. A year ago, she would've forced him to come home. Now, she's realized that the ball is in Henry's court and it's going to stay there. When he is ready to trust her again and let her back into his life for good, he'll do it. (Unfortunately, if the preview for next week is any indication, that might not be for awhile...) 

    Hook's connection to Emma also kept going. We know he's betrayed Cora for Emma, and now he's betraying the Disney Princess Brigade for Cora. It's not unreasonable to expect that he may switch sides again, and that's what I love about him. Any wildcard character is a good deal of fun. We know that Hook wants revenge, and you might think that it's merely a matter of whoever can help him get to Rumpelstiltskin faster. I don't think that's the case, though. I think he's feeling emotions for Emma that he hasn't felt for anyone since Mila, and that scares him. It'll be interesting to see if he will come to Emma's side again, and if so, what his motivations for doing so will be: revenge, or love? 

My Score:

8/10

I wasn't in love with this episode at first, but the fact that it's a set-up episode combined with some fun continuing character arcs made for an enjoyable installment.

My Questions:

• Lord, there are a lot. Let's see...Is Neil gonna show up next episode? I've got a feeling he'll pop up in the last five minutes, just to make things more complicated in January.
• Will anyone get back to Storybrooke next episode, or is this the status quo for the rest of the Season? 
• How many episodes are there gonna be, anyway? I know initially the word on the electronic street was that there'd be twenty-two again, which would mean we're barely a third through the second season...but now it looks unclear, if they're already giving us a mid-season finale. They never said "mid-season," though, just "winter," so I suppose that's the question...
• Rumpelstiltskin mentioned mermaids. This summer, there was word Ariel might show up this season. Is this a hint?

(Disclaimer: As always, I've used a lot of gifs, cultural references, memes, and photos. If you or someone you know owns/made one of the gifs/photos/etc., comment below and let me know- I'll take it down, if that's what you wish. I don't claim ownership of any of them, I just browse Tumblr and other sites for ones that fit my blog. Also, I own none of the media I reference. "Once Upon a Time" belongs to ABC, "The Walking Dead" belongs to AMC, "Glee" belongs to Fox, "Downton Abbey" is the BBC's, etc., etc...I own nothing.)

Chapter 7: In Which We All Mourn a Childhood Friend

Well, my dear readers...it's happened. In tonight's episode of ABC's "Once Upon a Time" (2x07: "Child of the Moon), I have finally cracked and cried.

Okay, technically, this is a lie, I've cried before because of this show. But I cried again during this one, and you should all know why.

Gus the Mouse...is dead. 

He was ambitious...

He was feisty...

But most of all, he was a friend to Cinderella when she needed him. Goodbye, "Gus-Gus." 

You will not be forgotten. 

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go cry more.

...

Okay, now that I'm back, let's get to that review/recap thing I do, despite the emotional turmoil it causes within my soul. 

What Happened:

Fairytale Land (the Past)

• Okay, remember that episode way back in Season 1 in which we learned Red Riding Hood is actually a werewolf and she totally ate her boyfriend and the town came after her? Well, now you know. This happens right after that. 
• Snow and Red are on the run, totally being badass fugitives. After quickly disposing of Some Queen's Soldier-Dude Who Had the Nerve to Think He Could Beat Up Snow White, the two girls decide they should split up, for Snow's safety, since Red is gonna turn into a werewolf any second now. (It's worth remembering that Snow is totally against this idea and is being an amazing friend, while Red is insisting she has to go for Snow's safety. I already have so many friendship feels it's not even funny.)
• Red wakes up in the morning (insert "OMG I hope none of those pix wound up on Twitter"-joke here) and finds that this guy named Quinn has stolen her magic red coat that is supposed to prevent her from becoming a werewolf. Quinn tells Red that she's not the only werewolf out there- he's one, too, and he has a bunch of werewolf friends, and they should totally all go hang out sometime, like right now.

If you immediately thought of her...you're not the only one.

• Within the werewolves' crib is Red's mother. Turns out she has one. Weird.
• Mama Red (I think she has a name, but to make her sound cooler and equally B.A. as Red, we shall call her Crimson) teaches Red to control her wolf side. There's some bonding, everyone is reminded of Twilight, yaddah-yaddah-yaddah. 
• Crimson and Red are suddenly confronted by Snow, who's still on the run and is totally forgiving of Red for ditching her, despite how I would've reacted.

"Gee, thanks for totally ditching me to go sit at the Cool Kids' Table, Red."

• Suddenly Regina's soldiers burst in and kill Quinn. Crimson is naturally mad, and wants to kill Snow. In an ensuing scuffle, Red protects her friend but accidentally kills Crimson. She's understandably saddened, but Snow is comforting. They bury Crimson and then we get an incredibly sweet and meaningful moment in which Red tells Snow that she's the first person who truly accepted her for who she is: Red's Granny wanted her to shun her wolf characteristics, while Crimson felt the same way about Red's human side. Snow is the first one to let her be both. 

These are happy tears, guys. That's all. 

Storybrooke

• The dwarves dig up some fairy dust and are quite happy, because it means they can make Jefferson's Hat work again, thus opening up a portal to Emma and Snow in the Fairytale Land. They go and celebrate at Granny's, and a good time is had by all.

I really wish all parties consisted solely of jumping on trampolines while attempting to eat cake.

• King George/Spencer suddenly crashes the party. They don't show it, but you just know everyone gave him a dirty look when he came in. I bet he asked Ruby for coffee with sugar and cream, and she only gave him coffee with sugar. I bet that made him feel bad. 

"No creamer for you, King George! Take THAT!"

• Okay, so long story short, Spencer/KG tells David he's got a plan to get back at him. David's all,

• Ruby gets asked out by Gus/Billy, who was a mouse in the Fairytale World that helped out and was friends with Cinderella. He's a tow-truck driver here with a crush on Ruby, who rejects his offer because it's the full moon.
• As the party's dying down, David goes and sees Ruby prepping up for a night in a storage center to prevent herself from harming anyone in wolf form. She hasn't changed into a wolf since the curse began, and she doesn't know if she'll be able to control it. Plus, she totally lost the cloak that prevented her from changing into wolf form. (You had ONE job, Ruby. ONE job.)
• In the morning, Ruby gets found by David and Granny lying in the woods with no memory of what happened: she escaped the freezer. Go figure. 
• Meanwhile, Henry awakes from a dream of the fiery Red Room from last week, with Regina there to comfort him. She finds that his hand has been burnt and takes him to Mr. Gold, who in turn explains that victims of Sleeping Curses like Henry gain access to a dream realm- the same dream realm where their souls went during their cursed times. He gives Henry a necklace that will allow him to "control his actions" in the dream realm. 
• Ruby, David and Granny find Gus' dead body. Ruby lets David lock her in the jail, convinced that she killed poor Gus. Meanwhile, Spencer/KG riles up the townfolk against her, and they all get torches (seriously? Torches? They're SO 18th-century, people.)
• For her own safety, Ruby goes into Belle's library while Granny and David go off to solve the mystery, convinced Ruby didn't do it. Belle declares her friendship for Ruby and tells her that she believes Ruby is a good person, and it's all really sweet...
• ...until Ruby locks Belle in the library so she will be safe. 
• David and Granny find Ruby's cloak in Spencer's car. They realize he killed Gus and framed Ruby. David goes and finds Wolf Ruby, whom he talks down and puts the cloak on to save her. 

"We did it!!!!!! Hooraaaaaay!!!!"

• Unfortunately, Spencer used this as an opportunity to destroy Jefferson's tophat. 

The Audience:

"You did not just."

(Yes, I'm well aware I've used this gif before. But it is perfection incarnate, and fit the situation.)

The Fairytale Land (Now)

• Aurora has a dream of the Red Room in which she meets Henry, who explains who he is after putting out the fires. Aurora relays this information to an ecstatic Snow and Emma. 

What I Thought:

   Well, they did it again. Another awesome episode has been delivered to us, so be grateful, my children. This episode addressed a much-needed plot point (how does Red's werewolf status work in our world?) while giving us some really interesting metaphors and sweet life moments. 

    Friendship was a big theme in this episode. I cannot say how much I loved seeing David's devotion to helping Ruby (and Snow's, as well, but we're discussing his actions first.) For a show that has "True Love" as one of its main themes, we've certainly gotten to see a lot of truly touching friendships (the first season featured a lot of Mary Margaret and Emma being friends, but whereas David seems to be embracing both of his identities, for whatever reason Snow seems to have cast off her Storybrooke persona and wrapped herself in her motherly love for Emma.) Friend relationships are very similar to romantic relationships in some ways; they involve two people who deeply care for one another, and will help each other at a cost to themselves simply because of that platonic affection. 

    We got to see that with David and Ruby this week. He knew, he must've known, that helping Ruby could put his leadership position on shaky ground. Ruby, by her very biology, is not going to be a very popular person in Storybrooke now that the curse is broken. People know who she is, what she can do, and what she has done (eating her boyfriend, Peter). They are afraid of her, and they're not necessarily wrong. But that doesn't matter to David. He cares about his friend, a companion he had back in the Fairytale Land. He was willing to go out on a limb and protect her, despite everything, and that's beautiful. That is so very, very beautiful to me: one person risking how they're viewed, how they are treated by society, for a friend. 

    Snow White also showed a beautiful hand of friendship to Red in their past, accepting her despite the physical danger to herself. Red's speech about Snow accepting both sides of her nearly made me cry, because that's beautiful, too. Friends should accept friends for who they are. Red didn't quite know who she was- somewhere between she-wolf and woman, but not exactly what that meant. Snow basically told her that she would be there to help her figure it all out.

    Who hasn't had a friend in a dark place, or a friend who didn't know who they are? Who hasn't experienced either of those situations themselves at one point or another? This episode spoke to everyone who has ever been in such a place, and everyone who's ever helped someone there. It reminded me a lot of teenagers, to be honest: many call it the most turbulent period of a person's life, when they're trying to figure out exactly who they are. Like Red, we all hope that somebody will be there for us; like Snow and David, we should all let anyone we know in this position that we're there for them. This episode was for anyone who's ever cried all night, and the friend who's stayed up texting them. It's for anyone who's stuck up for a friend being bullied or picked on or going through a rough patch. "Child of the Moon" was, plain and simple, for friends and friendship. 

My Score:

10/10

A beautiful message and answers to some larger questions in the overall narrative made for a fantastic episode. I loved it.

My Questions:

• Okay, so Henry and Aurora can communicate in the Red Room...but Aurora definitely said, "There was a little boy there this time." Does that mean that the "he" Aurora mentioned is a different person, and if so, who could he be?
• Is Peter in Storybrooke? I don't know if he's still alive or not, I remember Regina implied that she only brought two dead people with her...
• Did you cry about Gus? Because I did. Significantly.

Next Week:

Cora beats Dr. Whale at his own game. Can you say "Zombies?"

(As always, I used a lot of gifs, pictures, and cultural references. Most of the gifs and pictures are from Tumblr, and if not that then other websites. I don't own any of them, nor any of the other shows, movies, etc. that I make reference to. This blog is purely for entertainment purposes. I own nothing. If   you own/know who owns one of the gifs/pictures I put up, and would like me to remove it, just let me know in the comments and I will do so.)

Chapter Six: In Which August Feels Guilty or Something.

Well, it's November. The Holly Jolly season is upon us. Luckily, even in these chaotic holiday times, we still have ABC's "Once Upon a Time" to fall back on for an hour when everything seems too hectic.  So now you can squeeze an extra fifteen minutes out of your day to avoid doing something you desperately need to do and read my review of Episode 2x06, "Tallahassee."

What Happened:

 

The Fairytale Land

• Emma and the rest of the Disney Princess Brigade, along with the forcibly-inducted Hook, arrive at the beanstalk. Hook explains that he has magic bracelets which will allow him and one other to climb up to the Treehouse of Doom.
• After some arguing and weak reasoning on the DPB's part, Emma decides to go with Hook. I was QUITE excited at the thought of these two spending precious bonding time together.

 

• Hook and Emma pass the halfway point on the beanstalk, and he's bored, so he asks Emma if she's got any good awful-ex stories. She calms him down firmly, insisting she has never been in love. He knows this is ridiculous, because Regina texted him these pictures:

 

• The three founding members of the DPB chill at the bottom of the beanstalk. Turns out Emma instructed Mulan to chop down the beanstalk if she's not back in ten hours. When she finds out the depressed princess is having bad dreams and doesn't sleep as a result, Snow gives Aurora terrible advice.

 

"Having nightmares? Best way to get rid of those is to go to sleep again!"

 

and Mulan's all

 

while she just casually invents the sundial.

• Emma and Hook arrive at the top of the beanstalk. Emma finds out about Hook and Mila(Rumpelstiltskin's wife), and then reflects that perhaps she was in love..."once."
• Aurora wakes up, stressed out, and tells Snow she had a dream: "I was in a red room...with burning curtains. There were no doors or windows, and I was sitting in a corner...and HE was looking at me..."
• Emma and Hook then use a bag of magic powder (courtesy of the extremely-practical Mulan) to knock out the giant at the top of the beanstalk.(although Hook winds up under a pile of rocks which he quickly escapes) They then explore, looking for the compass.
• The pair finds the corpse of Jack the Giant-Slayer, who apparently fought the giants in several wars. Hook plays history buff and Emma is all "That's boring" before she spots a trapwire and grabs Hook to pull him out of the way.

  "And you assume I care about the giant wars...why?"

• They end up in a hug. Hook has the exact same action the audience has ("OMG Emma and Hook are TOTALLY meant to be together YOLO") before Emma is all denying ("OMG Hook, I was just saving your life GOD can't two people just have a near-death experience without romantic tension I mean REALLY")
• The giant wakes up and Hook gets buried by a pile of rocks...again.
• Emma manages to trap the poor giant and takes the compass. Because she spared his life, he allows her to leave, but not before she convinces him to keep Hook imprisoned for ten hours.
• Hook is noticeably and understandably distressed that Emma is doing this to him. She explains that she can't take the chance that Hook will turn on them, and needs the ten hours as a head start (and Hook looks so hurt and rejected and he's all "I helped you find the compass, we had a good thing going!!!" with sad watery puppy eyes :( )
• Meanwhile, there is TENSION amongst the Disney Princess Brigade. Mulan wants to start chopping down the beanstalk, and Snow is naturally upset. But luckily Emma arrives, leaping down from the beanstalk epically but landing not-so-epically. (Somebody needs to make a gif of her amazing jump/fall/trip thing...teehee.)
• The DPB, now testosterone-free once more, heads off to see where the compass leads them.

 

Our World (But Not Storybrooke...)

• Twelve years ago (to long-time fans of the show, this number will be significant- we know Henry was born ten years ago, in a prison...) Emma is working giant Eighties glasses even though it was only 2000. C'mon, Emma, it's the Twenty-First Century, you survived Y2K, you can play with fashion a bit now.
• Emma carjacks her famed yellow beetle (the car she's been driving since the show began), but it's already stolen by another thief named Neil.
• More than a year later, Emma and Neil are the Bonnie and Clyde of the Twenty-First Century, robbing convenience stores and loving every second of it. The two are very much in love, but Neil proposes that they settle down somewhere, and Emma randomly picks Tallahassee on a map.
• Unfortunately, an old robbery of Neil's comes back to haunt him, putting him back on the law's radar. Emma proposes they make new identities for themselves by selling stolen watches.
• After getting the watches from a locker in a train station, Emma and Neil split up, agreeing to meet the next day after selling the watches. Neil is then chased down by none other than...
• AUGUST! He hasn't been around much this season, so you newbies will be confused, but for everyone else, he's Pinocchio grown up, and he's the only other person who escaped the curse besides Emma.
• August is then a manipulative jerk:

"Um, yeah, you gotta stay away from Emma. She's kinda like my surrogate sister who I ditched and just now am feeling slightly guilty for and you need to go and dump her so that she can go and save the world in ten years."

• 
To convince Neil he's telling the truth, August shows him something in a box that, eleven years later, will contain a typewriter. Whatever's in the box now, though, is enough to make Neil instantly believe stories of magic and listen to August's explanation of the curse that Emma was prophesied to save Storybrooke at age twenty-eight.

• Emma is arrested at her meeting spot: August convinced Neil to call in a tip on Emma before fleeing to Canada. Leave it to Pinocchio to encourage using lies to solve problems...
• Two months later, Emma is in prison, serving out an eleven-month term. Henry has just been born, and she receives the key to her yellow car from an anonymous sender...
• ...which turns out to be Neil. Neil and August are in Vancouver, where Neil expresses his undying love for Emma, along with his guilt over Emma's incarceration for a crime he committed. August assures him that her prison term will help her clean up her act, and promises to send Neil a post-card when Emma has completed her destiny. (Remember at the start of the season, we saw a man in a business suiting getting a Storybrooke post-card?)

 

 



"Ooooooooooh...I get it."

 



Storybrooke (now)

• Henry wakes up. David rushes in, thinking, "Oh, God, it better not be bed bugs, Sydney Glass told me all about those."
• Turns out Henry just had the exact same dream as Aurora, Red Room, Burning Curtains, Creepy Stare and all.

 

 

What I Thought:

 

     There are certain differences between the Fairytale Land (and by extension, Storybrooke) and the world that us viewers inhabit and call "real." Some are blatant (I don't know about you, but I don't know anyone who can stick their hand in somebody else's chest cavity and magically extract their heart while keeping them alive) while others are subtle. Whether or not you think the difference that this episode focuses on to be great or small is a matter of opinion.

      One of my friends and fellow OUAT-fanatic told me that Lana Parilla- the actress who plays Regina- said in an interview that the inhabitants of the Fairytale Land only have one true love. Now, granted, she's not one of the show's writers, but given her big role, her opinion on the matter still has a lot of weight.

      By contrast, on our Earth, people have many loves. They can start as early as elementary school with playground blushes and handholding, which in turn grows into the drama and hormone-filled high school experience that every teenager across the world knows to well. The romance continues to grow throughout the rest of our lives, but the one constant is that love has many forms and even more incarnations. People have unrequited affections, they have mutual crushes that go unacted on for one reason or another; if they're lucky (or not- again, depends on your view) they enter into a relationship, which more often than not eventually ends to give way to a new one. Half of all marriages end in divorce (which means half don't ;) ). The point is, love in our world is far more complicated than in the Fairytale Land, where Lana Parilla's words have thus far stood true: every character has only had one love story involving one other person.

      This episode intrigued me because Emma- the child of two worlds, born in one but raised in another- is quite possibly the perfect person to break this pattern. She had difficulty admitting it, but we the audience could clearly tell Emma was in love with Neil (and he with her.) The pain she felt after he left her (and the guilt he felt for doing it) proved to us that they cared about each other immensely. At the same time, Emma appeared to be not entirely unreceptive to Hook's flirting, and looked rather distressed when she thought he had been crushed by a pile of rocks (how he wasn't is beyond me.) Regardless of my personal desire that Emma and Hook get together, there were sparks on both sides.

     Emma might just fall in love again. She showed signs of it with Graham, but that got cut short. Emma might fall in love with a man who himself is a rulebreaker in more than one way: Hook is a pirate who has already lost his "one true love," but seems very interested in Emma. With the potential of Neil returning, a love triangle may be in bloom. And that is a very un-"Fairytale Land" concept that I am excited to see Emma bring about.

 

My Score:

 

9/10

An intriguing concept coupled with an exciting adventure and a romantic flashback makes Emma's backstory incredibly interesting, giving us an all-around fantastic episode. 

 

My Questions:

-How mad is Hook at Emma???

-What is this freaky Red Room thing? Could there be a villain besides Cora?

-Will Mulan put a patent on her sundial?

 

 

Next Week:

Red Riding Hood has to deal with the consequences of eating her boyfriend, both social and digestive!

 

 (As always, I use a lot of gifs and pictures. Most of them I get from Tumblr or other various websites. If they are yours or belong to someone you know, and you don't think I should be/have the right to be using them, let me know in the comments and I will take them down. I own nothing!)

Chapter 5: In Which Regina Dresses Like a Jedi Padawan.

Tonight we were treated to a special Halloween episode of ABC's "Once Upon a Time:" 2x05, "The Doctor." While it's certainly no "Scream" or "Nightmare on Elm Street," this episode had its share of creepy, as well as good ol' fashioned Storybrooke...science? Read on for my "muahaha"-filled recap and review!

What Happened:

Fairytale Land (Past)

• Regina begins her Sith Lord training with Rumpelstiltskin in the same outfit Hayden Christensen wore in "Revenge of the Sith," only with a lighter color-scheme. I guess she was a fangirl. 

Overlarge leather vests and billowy sleeves are what's hot this fall.

• Anyway, enough fashion talk. Rumpelstiltskin tells Regina to freeze a unicorn, which she does. He then insists she take its heart, which she is uncomfortable with, so Rumpel does it for her before telling her to kill it by squeezing the heart. Regina cannot bring herself to do it, leading Rumpel to ask her what is holding her back from killing.
• Later, Regina tells Rumpelstiltskin that she wants to learn magic so that she can bring back Daniel, her dead boyfriend that her mom killed via Heart-Grabbing. Suddenly Jefferson, aka The Mad Hatter, shows up, and the audience is like,

• This is Jefferson in his fabulous days before his band tanked, when he wore all the eye shadow he wanted and all his fangirls wore top hats to see him play the drums. 
• FabJeff gives Rumpelstiltskin a glass ball, which is from another world or something. Rumpelstiltskin has this amazing moment where Jefferson is all, "You want the magic ball or not?" and Rumpy's all, "Mmmmmmokay" and snatches it. SOLID GOLD. (see what I did there? ;) )
• FabJeff reminds Regina that she is in fact married to a king which does in fact make her a queen and can therefore make queenly deals of queenly power. The deal essentially boils down to "You let me drive a carriage w/o a license and jailbreak my iPod, I get you a freaky witch-doctor thang to bring back your Stable-Man." 
• Later FabJeff introduces Regina to Doctor Whale's Fairytale-Land Counterpart, Victor, who's rocking the buttons and he doesn't care because he's almost as fabulous as Jefferson and that's saying something, I mean really, the two of them could do commercials together. 
• Dr. Vic tells Regina that he needs a heart to bring back Daniel, and just in the middle of the dramatic scene an ad for Wreckit Ralph comes on screen. I was not pleased.

"What the heck Pixar I mean normally I love you but Regina is making a character-shaping ethical decision here, come back when Henry's onscreen or something!"

• Regina takes Dr. Victor and FabJeff to her old house and shows them her mom Cora's secret vault of hearts. Dr. Vic picks one and they go on their merry way to do the experiment to bring back Daniel, whom Regina has kept in peak (albeit dead) condition via a spell. Unfortunately the experiment doesn't work 
• Now that she has nothing to lose, Regina goes to Rumpelstiltskin, kills some poor chick he was teaching, and tells him she's ready to learn all magic, including the dark kinds. Little did she know that Rumpelstiltskin paid Dr. Victor off to make the experiment a dud, ensuring his apprentice was in the right mental state to be EEEEEEEEEVIL. Dr. Victor heads back to his own world where technicolor hasn't been invented yet, but resurrections have...that's right, folks, Dr. Victor/Dr. Whale is a modernized Dr. Frankenstein, and he manages to bring back his dead brother using the heart he took from Cora's vault (of course we all know how THAT turned out.)

Storybrooke

• Sheriff David clocks Dr. Whale because he and Snow White slept together that one time when they were all cursed and she was technically single so Whale really wasn't doing anything wrong...Our Hero, everybody. 
• David informs Whale about his quest to find a portal to the Fairytale Land. Whale then bursts in on a psych session, in which a weepy Regina was telling Archie/Jiminy Cricket about how she's quitting magic cold-turkey in order to win back Henry. Whale demands that Regina send him back to be with his brother, to which Regina replies she only brought the living to Storybrooke. 
• As soon as Whale shuts the door and leaves, Archie asks her if that's true- that all the dead Fairytale citizens stayed in their homeland. Regina then gets a priceless moment where she looks right at Archie and tells him she brought who SHE wanted (her dead dad and Daniel.) It was her curse, after all. 

• David brings Henry to the stable to meet his horse, then makes up this half-baked story about how shoveling a horse's excrement around bonds horse and rider. The audience doesn't care, but the plot tells us, "This is important later, just stick around, okay???"
• Regina discovers Daniel's grave is empty, so she goes to her secret prison underneath the hospital, where she finds Dr. Whale, weak and short one arm. He informs her Daniel has indeed been resurrected, but is now a monster. 
• Regina tells David what happened, and the two of them somehow figure out where Daniel's going: the stables. 
• In the stables, Henry is being lazy, big surprise, and is working on his horse's hairstyle instead of cleaning up like David told him. Suddenly Daniel shows up, all zombie-esque, and advances towards Henry.
• Luckily Regina and David save Henry. Regina manages to awaken Daniel's humanity, but he is in so much pain that he begs her to kill him. Regina turns him to dust, finally deciding to let go of her lost love. 
• While Regina goes to see Archie again, the injured Whale goes to see Rumpelstiltskin, who (after making Whale admit that science cannot do what magic can) heals his arm. 

Fairytale Land (Present)

• The Disney Princess Brigade (Aurora, Mulan, Emma and Snow) arrive at The Sanctuary town, only to find out the town has been massacred by Cora, again with that gross Indiana Jones 2-Heart-Grabby-Thing. The only survivor is Kilian, who has apparently been disguising himself as the town blacksmith to spy for Cora (his ex-girlfriend that doesn't quite get they're through.) 
• The next five minutes of the show are as follows:

Kilian:

"They'll NEVER suspect who I REALLY am!"

Emma:

• The DPB learn he is Captain Hook/Kilian Jones, a spy for Cora. They wanna leave him to get eaten by ogres, but he tells them he can help find The MacGuffin of Season 2, a magic compass to lead them back to Storybrooke. (What is a MacGuffin, you might ask? Think...the One Ring, The Sorcerer's Stone, etc. Something that is important to the characters simply because it will get them where the plot needs them to go.)
• The group comes across a beanstalk, the top of which is home to a giant who, according to Kilian, has the compass.

What I Thought:

          Let's start with what I liked: the Regina backstory. It was really awesome to see Regina and Rumpelstiltskin back in their glory days, learning and teaching respectively. (Can I just say that Rumpel's actor, Robert Carlyle, knocked it out of the PARK tonight? Like, seriously, he was fantastic, even with his small role in this episode.) Regina had an intriguing storyline about doing something bad with good intentions; she knew her mother had taken those hearts from living people, and that she was using dark, evil magic, the likes of which her mother used to control and her teacher used to kill. Regina clearly believed this was all permissible if it meant she could resurrect someone who she loved. It's an interesting and debate-causing topic, and I liked seeing that play out on screen. Ultimately the show seemed to say that since Regina was corrupted in the end, it's not possible to use dark methods for something good, but it's by no means definitive, given that Regina might very well NOT have become morally comfortable with killing if the experiment had worked and restored Daniel to her. 

Moral conundrums are tricky...

          The other character I loved in this episode was Jefferson. The earliest in his life we had seen him was right around the time he lost his daughter, when his days making deals with Regina were long gone. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed seeing him in his hey-day, making one-liners, being a rambunctious and fun-loving wildchild. That makes sense, given this is probably before he had a daughter, and having children is supposed to make most people more mature, or so I hear. 

          Now I suppose we have to talk about what I didn't appreciate, and that was Regina in Storybrooke. I know I've said before on this blog that I really like her being on the side of the angels now, but I still wanted her to retain her bad attitude and tough streak. Regina didn't feel that way tonight. I know the episode was about her finally giving up her first love, but that really didn't serve as an excuse to me to see her constantly on the verge of tears, talking like she was her young self again, unable to do what she had to do until the last minute. Remember when Regina killed her father, someone she loved, to get something she cared about (revenge)? I find it hard to believe that she wouldn't instantly lash out at Daniel, despite her love for him, with magic when she saw him threatening the person she cares about more than anything else in the world: Henry. Just because she was dealing with the loss of someone she loved is no reason why Regina shouldn't be tough! She's a strong person; just like Emma fought a dragon when Henry was on death's door, and Mulan protected Aurora when Philip was about to receive the Dementor's kiss, I believe Regina could  and should have functioned better despite her feelings for Daniel. 

My Score:

6/10.

The Fairytale Land Regina shined, but Storybrooke Regina disappointed me.

My Questions:

- Okay, Daniel's well and truly gone, Graham's dead, and Philip is cursed...is it possible we might start to see characters break the tradition of "One True Love" and have new romances? People like Emma, Regina, and Mulan deserve to move on- after all, people don't just love the first person they kiss forever!

-Does Kilian have little utensils he can attach to his hand? ( I think the cartoon Hook might have...)

-When are Aurora and Mulan going to discuss Philip again???

Next Week:

Emma's criminal past is revealed, and present-Emma fights a giant!!!

(As always, I just use gifs and pictures I find on Tumblr and other websites. If anyone made/owns one of the gifs/knows who does and feels that I should not have used them, let me know and I will take it down. This blog is made for entertainment purposes only; I own nothing.)

Chapter Four: In Which Ruby Gets a Superpower

Aargh, maties! This week we be reviewin' the fourth episode the second season of ABC's "Once Upon a Time," called "The Crocodile!" Set sail for snarky recaps and reviews as deep as Davy Jones' Locker! (Or at least, TRY to be.) Avast...or something. (I really hope pirates didn't actually talk like this, because it's really a bit exhausting.)

What Happened:

Storybrooke

• Belle is having a sweet romantic with Rumpelstiltskin. He's all, "Hey, I got you some nice jewelery!" and she's all "Why?" prompting him to go "Cuz I LURV you." The moment of sweetness is ruined when Grumpy bursts in, demanding his axe. Though Rumpel denies having it, Grumpy says he has it within the shop, along with numerous other possessions that don't belong to him...including Belle. Belle is horrified to see Rumpel slam Grumpy against the wall violently, when all of a sudden...
• She wakes up. It was all a dream. Naturally, she feels like doing anything but sleeping, so she creeps to her window in Rumpel's house and sees that he is spinning gold out of thread in the basement- he is using magic!

• The next day, Rumpel wants to make Belle breakfast now that they're living together (which is sudden and forward except not really I guess considering they lived together for like months in Fairytale Land except that wasn't really "living together" in the sense that they didn't like have a conversation about it and what it meant as a step in their relationship and y'know I'm just gonna go ahead and shut up now), but she totally calls him out on using magic again and demands to know why he needed magic to be in Storybrooke. When he plays coy, she accuses him of being afraid to be open with her and storms off. 
• Rumpel later finds that Belle has snuck off (through a window, which seems impractical and difficult). Meanwhile in the mines,  a wife-beater-clad David (I only take note of his clothing because it's the first time in the show's history that he isn't wearing A) excessive amounts of leather or B) excessive amounts of plaid- we're proud of his expanding wardrobe)  is helping the dwarves to dig for fairy dust while Henry is totally unhelpful and snacks on a muffin. Turns out David is now acting sheriff in Storybrooke, so naturally Rumpel asks David to help him find Belle (only after asking her father Mo if he knows where she is.) 
• Nobody wants to help because Rumpel is a big jerk. He needs lessons in apologizing  from this person pictured below, who is one of Disney's best characters ever and should really appear in this show as like a love interest for Henry or something:

• Belle pulls an Ariel while she enjoys the wonders of the modern world, like ice tea and indoor plumbing, in Granny's Diner. Ruby is very nice and offers Belle a spot in the Storybrooke Chapter of the Disney Princess Brigade by telling her she's welcome to crash at Ruby's place , as well as telling Belle that she should go and be the town's librarian, seeing as she loves books and is looking for a job to keep herself busy.
• Belle is kidnapped by a mysterious, red-hatted man outside the old library. He takes her to her father, Mo. Mo is under the assumption that Belle was still a prisoner, but she tells her daddy it's okay, because she's breaking up with Rumpelstiltskin anyway. "So THERE, GO AWAY DADDY I'M TWENTY-ONE OR SOMEWHERE IN THAT RANGE AND I DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN MY LOVELIFE TO YOU."

• Mo then demonstrates poor parenting skills by having his henchman take Belle to the mines, handcuff her into a minecart, and push her towards the town boundary, knowing that as soon as her cart crosses, she will forget Rumpel and her love for him. 
• Ruby demonstrates her epic wolf tracking skills when she leads David and Rumpel to Mo's flower shop, where he confesses everything. The group heads on over to the mines, where Rumpel uses magic to rescue Belle. She's still pissed at both Rumpy for lying to her about bringing magic to Storybrooke, and her dad for, well, the obvious. 
• Later, after discovering trans fats, Belle heads on over to the library, pleasantly refurbished by ABC's Extreme Makeover: Library Edition at Rumpel's request. He explains that he wanted the magic to find Baelfire, his long-lost son, but now that the town boundary prevents anyone from leaving it lest they lose their memories, he has realized he can't go looking for Baelfire. This is enough to placate Belle, and they make up...
• ...except we learn Rumpel is a total liar and hasn't changed at all, because he's got the henchman tied up in his basement. He interrogates him about the man's "captain..."

The Fairytale Land (Past)

• Back when Rumpelstiltskin had no magic and was a sad awkward spinster, he goes into his house and finds Baelfire has been replaced by a different child actor due to the unfortunate fact that real people age. 
• Rumpel goes to the town bar and is super awkward because his wife Mila is chilling there with her BFFs including Kilian Jones, whose presence on screen will likely increase the BPM of 85% of the show's target audience. 
• Mila's all GTFO while Rumpel is all "We have a kid together" and she's like "Oh yeah awkward HEY THAT'S NOT MY KID." 
• After Rumpel has explained that child actors age out of roles, Mila confesses that she is not happy with the life the two are living and wishes that her husband hadn't deserted during the Ogre Wars, because now she's married to The Town Coward. 
• The next day, Rumpel's neighbor (and totally his best friend, we all know they probably hang out on weekends and complain about their spouses and party hard), who shall henceforth be known as Velma, tells Rumpel that he can't go to book club today because Mila has been kidnapped by Kilian Jones, who is a pirate captain. 
• Rumpel heeds Velma's words and heads to the docks. He trips onto the deck of Kilian's ship and feels awkward. 
• Kilian is a total jerk but that 85% of the audience so doesn't care as long as he stays onscreen. 

The 85%:

Kilian:

• Basically he challenges Rumpel to a duel to win Mila's freedom, but Rumpel is too scared to do so. It's very sad. 
• Years later, the mysterious henchman who kidnapped/will kidnap (in the future) Belle meets Rumpel in a bar, after he's The Dark One and has been granted magical powers. The henchman offers a magic bean that will transport Rumpelstiltskin to the world that Baelfire got sent to last season, in exchange for eternal youth. 
• Suddenly Kilian walks into the bar and Rumpel is like,

"You did NOT just come within two hundred feet of me."

• Later Rumpel shows up in the streets and challenges Kilian to a duel at dawn. The duel occurs at the scheduled time, and the magically-beefed-up Rumpel totally beats Kilian when all of a sudden, Mila shows up all garbed in clothes from J.C. Pirate. Mila confesses she is in love with Kilian, AND that she has the magic bean. 
• On Kilian's ship, Mila is about to trade the magic bean for the lives of herself and Kilian, when she does something really dumb and tells Rumpel she never loved him. He rips her heart from her chest Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom-style, then crushes it and kills her. Next he chops Kilian's hand off and poofs away.
• Little did Rumpel know that Kilian tricked him and has kept the bean! 
• Kilian reveals he had the henchman guy as a prisoner, which is where he got the magic bean. He allows the prisoner, whose name is Smee-

• -to join his crew. Kilian tosses the bean into the water, creating a magic whirlpool into which they sail, planning on going to Neverland and plotting revenge on Rumpel.

The Fairytale Land (Present)

• Kilian meets Cora on a beach, and they say hello in like the most amusing way possible. 

Cora: 

Kilian:

• Cora shows Kilian the magic wardrobe dust from last episode in  a shiny bottle. He scoffs at it, but Cora informs him of its true value, saying that they might be able to use it to go to Storybrooke so that she can find Regina and he can get his revenge on Rumpel.

What I Thought:

This episode can be boiled down into two sentences: It was a filler episode. And I still totally enjoyed it.

Last week was a filler episode, too, but this one did such a better job at being a filler episode than last week. Neither episode really moved the overarching plot a whole lot, but while "The Lady of the Lake" tried to seem important, even though our characters were basically at the same place at the end of the episode as at the beginning, this week knew it was filler and owned it. When you're watching a filler episode, you realize that something has been taken away from you (significant developments to the storyline) and therefore expect something in exchange to complete the deal: character development.

"All filler episodes come with a price!"

We got a ton of that this week. We learned about Rumpelstiltskin's view of himself, which is something we've never really known before. Rumpelstiltskin acknowledges that he is a coward, and that even with his powerful magic, cowardice remains his greatest flaw. A lot of people think acknowledgment of a problem is the first step to dealing with it, so this may be a sign that Rumpel's really going to start acting differently.

Of course, no one changes overnight, as we saw during Rumpelstiltskin's interrogation scene of Smee. His violent tendencies haven't just disappeared, and that's something he's going to have to continue to battle, probably for the rest of his life. 

Meanwhile, we got a chance to look at Belle as a person- as a woman not defined by a man, be it her father or Rumpelstiltskin. Belle is played by Emilie de Ravin, and was one of my favorite actresses on "Lost," so it's awesome for me to see her on this show. Her newest character was introduced as "Rumpelstiltskin's Love Interest," meant to further his storyline. Luckily, this episode gave her a chance to shine as a girl looking to start a new life for herself in a strange land. I think it's important to remember that while everyone in Storybrooke has lived in the modern, technologically-developed land of Earth for years, everything here is new to Belle. She has to adjust to a new world in addition to dual sets of memories, so it's understandable that she'd look for something familiar and comforting like books to hold on to. It was nice to see her make friends with Ruby as well as take on the librarian position; after all, whenever the writers remember a little detail like the abandoned library, I get all happy inside. 

"Good job, writers!!!"

This is how you do a filler episode well. In short...I am content and would like more episodes of this sort.

My Score:

9/10. 

The first episode this season that really felt like one of the amazing first season ones.

My Questions:

• Does Rumpelstiltskin still have the hand?
• Why wasn't Henry doing anything to help? Was the muffin that good?
• Who will be the first to call Kilian "Captain Hook?" My money's on Emma.
• Do you think Kilian and Emma would make an awesome couple? Because I do.

Next Week:

Special Halloween episode involving Regina and Jefferson messing with the occult to bring back her dead boyfriend, The Stableboy ( I really don't remember his name, please don't judge me, the tab for Wikipedia is oh-so-far-away and I'm tired.)

(As always, I just use gifs and pictures I find on Tumblr and other websites. If anyone made/owns one of the gifs and feels that I should not have used them, let me know and I will take it down. This blog is made for entertainment purposes only; I own nothing.)