Chapter 14: In Which Harry Potter is Used as Therapy

Shortly before I could publish this, I was kidnapped by Regina and locked in her castle, where she made me interview her for a biography on her life. I tried to explain to her that I had other writing projects, namely this, that needed work done, but she started tossing around fireballs. I've only been released long enough to cobble together the first draft, since I convinced her computers work faster for writing. Be glad you guys got this review at all! ;)


What Happened:

Baelfire is Neil. Who knew. 

What I Thought:

I didn't like it. 

Next W-

MY READERS:

   Yeah, yeah, I know I normally give you more than that, and I still plan on it. But I really did not enjoy tonight's episode of ABC's normally-fabulous "Once Upon a Time," 2x14: "Manhattan." On multiple levels. I'm watching "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban" (technically listening to it as I type, but whatever), I so did not enjoy this episode. I need good, quality stories about magic with well-written kids/early teenagers and believable characterization, and this episode simply did not deliver.Let's get the recap out of the way so I can whine about the work of successful screenwriters and television directors. Hopefully someday I will write a successful show and some kid will whine about the worst episode I write. 

What Happened (Attempt #2)

The Fairytale Land (The Past)

• Rumpelstiltskin is looking the best he has since he discovered coconut butter skin cream. He just got his Early Decision acceptance letter from the local militia to go and fight in the Ogre Wars! His wife, Mila, is quite happy for him, especially since it's the chance he wanted to prove that he's not a coward like his father. 
• At a camp near the front-lines, Rumpelstiltskin meets an imprisoned seer with eyes that look scary beyond all reason. She tells him that Rumpelstiltskin's actions here will "make his son fatherless." Rumpelstiltskin assumes this means he'll die, so he maims himself with a hammer. 

Marvelous plan, old boy. 

• Needless to say, Mila is less than pleased with this upon his return. She goes off to scope out local single pirates in her zip code. 
• Years later, Rumpelstiltskin meets the seer. There's a lot of back and forth about how terrible her life is because of her seer powers. Rumpelstiltskin takes her power, which kills her and gives her peace. He also learns that he will find his son Baelfire in many years, and that a young boy will lead him to Bae and then be his undoing...

Storybrooke/Manhattan

• Henry, Emma, and Rumpelstiltskin arrive at an apartment building in New York. (Apparently Henry got to ride shotgun in the taxi. He probably used the Book as an excuse. "Emma, trust me- in the Book, I was riding up front. Now, maybe it doesn't mean anything, but the Book hasn't led us astray so far..." And yes, he would use the word "astray," because he's that pretentious.)
• Someone jumps out of the apartment fire escape, and Rumpelstiltskin knows that whoever it is is his son. Emma chases him, and learns that it's Neil. Neil is Baelfire. 

Said no one ever. 

• Neil and Emma walk into a bar. (No, this is not the start of an over-told joke.) They discuss their relationship, and how Neil didn't know who Emma was when he fell in love with her. We also get the most ridiculous reveal ever: When August showed Bae something in the box to convince him that he knew about magic, it was the typewriter with the words "I KNOW YOU'RE BAELFIRE" written on a sheet of paper. This doesn't even make sense, why didn't August just say "Hello, Baelfire" as a conversation starter, it would've saved everyone so much time. 
• Emma ditches Neil without telling him about Henry and calls Snow for advice, but ignores it and doesn't tell Henry who his dad is. The trio breaks into Neil's apartment, but get into a fight when Rumpel suspects she's lying to him about losing his son in the chase. 
• When Mr. Gold reveals that his anger management problem is still...well, a problem, Neil bursts in and tells Gold to GTFO. Rumpelstiltskin is apparently quite intuitive and realizes that Emma and Neil have something between them, and then Henry walks in and obnoxiously gets in the way. Neil quickly starts to put the pieces together and realizes that Henry is his son, which angers Henry because he thought that his father was a dead fireman, as Emma told him. 

We're disappointed that Baelfire is your dad, too, Henry. Whatcha gonna do?

• Henry goes outside to think about his deep angst artistically on a fire escape. He's probably hearing a L'Oreal commercial in the background while his hair blows in the wind, which is okay, because for this entire part of the episode I was hearing the soundtrack of "Mamma Mia," it just fits the adoption/parenthood drama so well. 
• Baelfire/Neil and Mr. Gold have a conversation which boils down to...

Gold:

"I moderately regret what I've done because it had negative consequences for me and mine, though I still think I didn't do anything that could be considered ethically questionable. "

Bae/Neil:

• Emma tries to convince Henry that she was lying about Neil's identity to keep Henry safe. Henry doesn't but it, but he does get to bond with Bae (alliteration is amazingly appealing) on the balcony [/fire escape]. 
• Back in Storybrooke, Cora is looking 

          in her twenty-first century attire. Not to mention her hair is down, and it looks really cool. But I   

          digress. Basically, in this episode, Regina, Cora and Hook go on a mini-scavenger hunt for 

          Rumpelstiltskin's dagger. They find a map with its location, so to Regina and Cora knocking out Hook

          and departing. Cora declares that shall use its magic to destroy the Royal Family and get Henry back!

• Oh, yeah, Greg Mendel has a recording on Rumpelstiltskin doing magic.

What I Thought:

   Let's address the reveal this episode so we can move on to ranting about other things: Neil is Baelfire. Baelfire is Neil. Neil is Henry's father, ergo Rumpelstiltskin is Henry's grandfather. Most of the fandom predicted this, probably because Neil is the only named character I can think of who lives outside of Storybrooke. Barring actually making Baelfire a new character all grown up, there was no other option. Perhaps if Rumpelstiltskin hadn't been so convinced his son was outside of Storybrooke, there might have been more contenders, but his quest into the main part of America pretty much confirmed it couldn't be anyone within the town. That left Neil, and a lot of us were irked that we didn't get a more creative reveal. But all shows have predictable moments, so we shouldn't judge the show solely based on that. 

   What we SHOULD judge this episode on can be split into two main points: wasted potential, and unsympathetic characters that the writers demanded us to sympathize with. As far as potential goes this episode, it had a lot: Emma, Rumpelstiltskin and Henry go on an adventure to New York, searching for Baelfire! That screams fun character interactions and scenarios, but all of the scenes felt very dry and formulaic. Nothing unexpected happened. The group found Baelfire, argued a bit, but are on a track to healing (except for Neil and Rumpel, but I never expected that.) Meanwhile, in Storybrooke, another fun bunch of characters barely got any scenes on a quest that could've been completed much faster. The Fairytale Land storyline was the rotten cherry on top; the only thing of value we learned from it was that Rumpelstiltskin's downfall is prophesied to come at the hands of the boy who leads him to his son-- aka, Henry. This has the potential to be really interesting, because of how Rumpelstiltskin may choose to deal with the prophecy, but it should have been delivered better. We already know that Rumpel was a coward. We know he ran away from a battle, and we didn't need to know more. Instead the show gave us a rather convoluted story about a seer, his father, and his leg. 

   Why did we need an episode about how Rumpelstiltskin "became" a coward? Cowardice isn't a state of being or a disease, it's a human flaw. Everyone has at least one (most of us several), and I really object to the writers' seeming belief that all fatal flaws need to have some "incident" that sparks them. You don't get "turned into" an alcoholic from one wild party, just like buying expensive jeans once will not turn you into a greedy miser, or critiquing self-made art will not make you self-loathing. Rumpelstiltskin has been shown in flashbacks to be very fearful of the world and of conflict, but in this episode he seems outgoing and cocky before going to the frontline. The prophecy and his self-maiming are portrayed as the turning point in his life when he "became" a coward, despite the fact that his cowardice is more likely something Rumpel always has and always will have to deal with.
   Now, when it comes to the two characters the show deeply wanted our hearts to go out to, Henry and Rumpelstiltskin...I'll  only briefly discuss Rumpelstiltskin, because I've already made my thoughts on his selfish nature quite clear in earlier reviews. He cares about his emotions, not Bae's- the entire point of this mission is to bring Bae back into his father's life, whether Bae wants it or not. That's selfishness disguised with love, and I loved that Bae called Gold out on his behavior and didn't give him what he wanted.
   Secondly, Henry. It's no secret that I despise his bratty pretentiousness, but this episode really took the cake in terms of his rude behavior. It's understandable that he'd be hurt over Emma lying to him, but he was really quite cruel to her. It's like whenever he gets into a fight with a parental figure, he looks to another as a kind of savior from the undesirable qualities of the former. He did it with Regina, and now it appears he's doing it to Emma, at least temporarily. I just don't see how the show can portray him and Rumpel as likable heroes with the way they've been behaving in this episode.

My Score:

2/10. 

The predictable plot was cluttered with unnecessary tangents and unlikable "heroes."

My Questions:

• Cora is clearly loving modern-day clothing...what other parts of 21st-century America is she digging? Does she adore fast food? Is "Jersey Shore" her new guilty pleasure? Perhaps she's already applying to Harvard's law school so that she can learn the rules of this land and work her way up to a Presidential Candidate? ("Cora 2020!")
• Who will Henry go to when Neil acts parental?
• Will Regina go along with Cora's plan? 

Next Week (at the time I watched this):

Snow goes solo against Cora, and Rumpelstiltskin draws the attention back to himself!

(Disclaimer: As always, I've used a lot of gifs, memes, photos, and cultural references in this review/recap. If you or someone you know owns/made own of the gifs/photos/etc., comment below and let me know- I'll take it down, if that's what you wish. I don't claim ownership of any of them, I just browse Tumblr and other websites for stuff that could fit into my blog and its reviews/recaps. Also, I own none of the media I reference. "Once Upon a Time" belongs to ABC , "Doctor Who" to the BBC, "Game of Thrones" to HBO and George R.R. Martin, "House" to Fox, "The Little Mermaid" to Disney, "How I Met Your Mother" to CBS, etc., etc. ...I own nothing! This blog is for entertainment purposes only!!! Also, this show is written, acted, produced and made by people far more successful than me thus far in my life. I really do like it, and I only critique because I care! I  know far less about the world than I pretentiously seem to.)

Chapter 13: In Which Henry Helps The Fast Food Industry

The Grammys ("Grammies?") is playing in the background as I write this review. Justin Timberlake is singing...I'm not really quite sure what Justin Timberlake has put out lately, but then again, I'm not exactly musically knowledgeable. Maybe I just don't listen to the right radio stations. All I want is to go back to alternating between Vanessa Carlton's "White House" and Pink's duet with the lead singer of Fun!, as I've been doing all day. Literally, I've been listening to these two songs all day. My family probably hates me. I'm sure they breathed a sigh of relief when I went to watch ABC's "Once Upon a Time". Tonight's episode is the thirteenth episode of the second season, called "Tiny." I hope you enjoy my review/recap!

What Happened:

The Fairytale World (Past):

• About seven or eight giants are all sitting down for dinner. Everyone is making verbal jabs against Anton, the littlest giant, who the others have nicknamed "Tiny." Through the conversation, we learn that Tiny is quite interested in human culture, despite the fact that the humans are not exactly beloved by giants. Tiny's eldest brother Harlow explains that Tiny needs to focus on planting and raising those multi-dimensional beans we saw in an earlier episode. 
• Charming's twin brother James is making out with someone. They're about to do the nasty when King George walks in. James is totally unfazed by this reversal of a typical childhood trauma, but George explains that we're watching an ABC show with a significant portion of its target audience under the age of fourteen, so we can't have sex scenes. 
• Across town, Tiny is sadly looking into a tavern window; he has come down the beanstalk, curious about the human world. Prince James and the woman he definitely did NOT "have a dalliance with" are there looking suave and adventurous. They offer Tiny a magic mushroom that will shrink him down for a few hours. He accepts, and the woman reveals her name to be Jacqueline..."JACK" for short. 

• Once in the bar, Tiny explains how he's not exactly in love with his family lately. Jack and James totally seduce him verbally and non-sexually, it feels like they're about to whip out a cigarette and force him to deal with peer pressure any second. 
• James goes off for a bathroom break, while Jack explains that James' kingdom is in major debt. Tiny offers to go and get some treasure for his new "friends."
• Later, Harlow walks in on Tiny stealing some treasure in the Giants' Castle. James and Jack walk in, too, but they're looking for the magic beans that the Giants grow...and they're willing to fight to take them. 
• It all ends quite badly. All of the giants except Tiny are killed, and Tiny is forced to burn all of the beans to keep them away from the humans. Jack is killed by Harlow, and James escapes with some treasure. Tiny receives a tiny bean seed that he may use in the future to regrow the beans, and is left alone. 

Storybrooke/Our World:

• Everyone is getting ready for a road trip at the Charming House!

• Of course, Emma was totally rude and didn't inform Rumpelstiltskin that she was taking Henry. Now he has to buy an extra plane ticket and everything. Emma retaliates to Rumpel's "ugh" look with an equally large one at his shawl, which protects him from the town boundary. 
• They leave, and Regina shows up looking for Henry. He, unfortunately, is not here, given that he just left. Snow and David give a really inadequate apology. 

"We feel moderately guilty about possibly implying that you may have done bodily harm to our therapist who never charges  for his sessions."

• The Charming couple goes and talks to Hook, thinking that he might know something about where Cora could be. He shows her the Invi-Ship and a cage that contains Tiny, who is...well, tiny. Or at least human size. The littlest giant is released, but sees David and thinks that he is his brother James, so he punches him out and flees. 
• Ruby visits a sedated Belle in the hospital. It's extremely sad, because Belle doesn't remember magic, or her best friend...oh, and Ruby talks to Greg, but no one cares about him. 

The Audience to Greg:

We're crying because we're not over our Ruby/Belle friendship feels. 

• David realizes that Tiny is mistaking him for his brother. At the same time, Henry asks Rumpelstiltskin a lot of annoying questions as they get ready to go through airport security. Rumpelstiltskin briefly goes through the security line without his scarf/shawl, which- because it is the magical talisman that helps him keep his fairytale identity- gives him a mini-headache/freakout. 
• Regina has a quick conversation with Hook in which she finds out that the Charmings found the ship, and refers to Cora needing "her things." Hook also makes yet another bondage joke. (We get it, Hook, you're a kinky guy. Stop making scenes uncomfortable.) The two also discuss how the giant will be an excellent distraction...
• After being given a size-increasing mushroom, Tiny wreaks havoc in town. David explains that he is not, in fact, James, but his twin brother, while Snow explains that they are, in fact, Emma's parents, but "she's kind of out of time!" (Best line of the episode!!!) 
• Tiny doesn't care about their lame excuses, so he goes after them. He smashes into a pipeline and shrinks back down, landing on a precarious pipe. He toys with the idea of letting himself die, which is rather dark for a Disney-sponsored show, but David and co. manage to rescue the giant. 
• Anton/Tiny is inducted into part of the main cast when he goes to Granny's diner. He worries about being a misfit, and Grumpy delivers what is certainly the most ironic line of the episode: "We got all kinds in Storybrooke!"

Y'know, except for black people, Asian people, Hispanic people, gay people, other sexual minorities...

• Tiny is given a field to plant his last bean in, which the dwarves promise to guard, since everyone is concerned that Cora wanted Tiny to plant the beans for some nefarious ulterior motive. 
• Belle is unnerved to find yet another creepy older  man visiting her in her hospital room, but this time it's Greg Mendel, who says that he saw the ball of fire in Rumpelstiltskin's hand, too...
• Snow and Charming discuss how fun it was to go on an adventure together again, and worry a little over Emma. Snow reaffirms her desire to stay in Storybrooke, since it's the first place that their family has been able to be together. 
• Rumpelstiltskin slams his fist against a toilet-paper dispenser in a bathroom. He tries to heal it, but there is no magic outside of Storybrooke, which really freaks him out. Our trio gets on the plane, and Henry snacks on a cinnamon bun. 

What I Thought:

   I'm not in love with Tiny, but it's not exactly Tiny's fault. As one of my friends commented to me, this is basically a rehash of "The Little Mermaid," only with giants instead of merpeople. I feel bad using this as a critique point, because so many stories have similar elements. It's in the nature of stories to use certain tropes, cliches, and conflicts, simply because these are the plot elements that appeal to us as human beings. It doesn't make the writers unoriginal nor lazy, and it usually doesn't turn the audience/reader off, because we don't so much care about the skeleton of the story as we do the muscle and skin and hair and make-up. There are plenty of versions of "The Little Mermaid" that don't involve a teenage half-fish obsessed with 18th-century architecture. Anyone who watches "Game of Thrones" knows about Arya Stark, a young girl far more interested in the culture and activities of men in her society over those traditionally associated with women. Fans of "Doctor Who" see women voyage away from a world they view as mundane into other galaxies, leaving their families behind. I'm sure you can think of similar examples. The main point is that there are many stories like this, with a young person interested in the world beyond their own who ventures forth and finds trouble, and I just didn't like this version.
   Tiny didn't have enough unique layers to make him stand out in my mind as interesting. Another one of my friends and I discussed this episode earlier today, when we talked about how- other than his obsession with and subsequent hatred of humans- we don't really know who Anton is as a person. It's entirely possible that in future episodes we'll get to know him better, though; after all, if I had been writing these during Season 1, I might have said the same thing about Snow and Charming. They've gotten a ton of development since then that shows us they're not their cliches, and they have a lot backing them up in terms of emotion and motivation. If the writers choose to give some more attention to certain minor characters like Tiny, the problems I've noted might pleasantly fade away.
   This episode, we were treated to a few nice moments with some minor characters. I'm digging the subplot involving Belle and Greg; hopefully these two launch some fun detective mission to learn about the not-so-silent elephant in the, er...town square.

I hope they ask Regina what she knows about fireballs. 

   I also like the consistency when it comes to Ruby and her animosity towards outsiders. If the world at large were to learn about Storybrooke, she would be one of the citizens who could stand to lose the most, and I like that the show is remembering that. I also hope we get more arguments between Snow and David; I've liked seeing the realistic portrayal of their relationship lately. 

   Oh, before I forget-- I have to tear into Grumpy's "We've got all kinds in Storybrooke" line, because it's a bit absurd and indicative of a larger problem within the show: diversity! Lancelot, our only black character, is presumably dead, and Mulan, our only Asian character, is having off-screen adventures in Fairytale Land! Also, where are some LGBTQI characters? I realize that this isn't a very sexual show, but most characters have had romances of one sort or another, and I don't see why we couldn't have "The Prince and the Frog" or "The Swan Princess" and, er... "and another Princess!" I know Disney backs this show, and it's not known for leading the equality bandwagon, but this show is on ABC, for Regina's sake! The same network as "Modern Family" and "Grey's Anatomy," two shows lauded for their portrayal of same-sex relationships! Let's give LeRoy's line some justification with racially diverse and LGBTQI characters !!!! 

My Score:

7/10. 

Tiny's personality is a bit too small at the moment. Give us more Ruby!

My Questions:

• Will Henry ever pass the fifth grade at the rate he's been skipping? 
• How long would Rumpelstiltskin have to be parted with his scarf (what is this "shawl" nonsense) to lose his Fairytale memories for good?
• Is Neal really Baelfire? 
• Just how good is Cora gonna look with her hair down?

Next Week:

Henry escapes in Times Square, Mr. Gold goes shopping for a new cane, and Emma totally meets her ex-boyfriend! But shhh- the writers don't want us to know yet!

(Disclaimer: As always, I've used a lot of gifs, cultural references, memes, and photos. If you or someone you know owns/made one of the gifs/photos/etc., comment below and let me know- I'll take it down, if that's what you wish. I don't claim ownership of any of them, I just browse Tumblr and other sites for ones that fit my blog. Also, I own none of the media I reference. "Once Upon a Time" belongs to ABC, the Harry Potter series belongs to J.K. Rowling and whoever made the movies, "The Little Mermaid" to Disney, "The Road to El Dorado" belongs to Dreamworks, "Family Guy" to Fox and Seth Macfarlene... etc., etc...I own nothing. This blog is for entertainment purposes only! Also, this show is written, acted, made and produced by people far more successful than me thus far in my life. I love it, and I only critique because I care! I also know far less about the world than I pretentiously seem to!)

Chapter 12: In Which Cora Decides To Ger Her Learner's Permit

So...I would go into a lengthy explanation about why exactly I'm two weeks late with this review/recap of ABC's newest episode of "Once Upon a Time," 2x12: "In the Name of the Brother:... but you probably don't care, you're just mad it's late, and I don't feel like typing it out. So let's get down to it on this Superbowl Sunday.

What Happened:

NOT the Fairytale Land...

• It's Christmas in a pre-Technicolor land that consists of a mountain, a mansion, a graveyard, and two goats. The local [insert hereditary title here] is toasting his younger son, Gerhard, who's a dashing but bashful dude back from the war. He's got a medal that his Marquis/Duke/State Senator dad can't stop talking about, which makes his big nerdy brother Victor feel sad and ignored. 
• Victor's little bro gets a pretty watch from his dad that apparently the family's mother wanted to keep in the family. The dad says this extremely pointedly so that Victor may realize that he is definitely not talking about his eldest son when he says the word "family." 

Victor:

Victor and Gerhard's Dad:

("Oh, BTW, have this expensive commission I bought you. It's your ticket into a job that you not only will hate, but also a career field that really should be based on leadership quality and not be something that one can buy their way into." Parenting 101, everybody.)

• Victor's little brother is really supportive and sweet, and offers to give him the watch from their mother, telling him how important he knows Victor's scientific work to find everlasting life is. Meanwhile, Rumpelstiltskin's in the background like, 

"Look at all these people who look like they were filmed in the 1920s!"

• Rumpelstiltskin then materializes in the lab of dear Vicky and starts discussing magic, science, and resurrection. He then pulls out Hermione's magical purse and dumps three years' worth of Galleons at Victor's feet, exchanging the money for Victor's knowledge of resurrection. 
• Gerhard walks in on Victor digging up bodies! Victor tries to explain that it's the only way to experiment in his very specific line of scientific inquiry, but before Gerhard can tell him just how gross that is, he gets shot by the one other person in this semi-magical land: a soldier! 
• Victor tries to resurrect Gerhard, but the body's heart cannot take the copious amounts of electricity required. I get the feeling that Victor hasn't exactly tested this method before, not even with a rat or mythical amphibian. 
• Speaking of mythical amphibians, Victor's dad busts in and gives a long angry speech when he learns his youngest son his dead. The conversation culminates in him basically disowning Victor.

• We then segue --

(teehee)

• --into the lead-in to episode 2x05, "The Doctor," with Rumpelstiltskin appearing before Victor and telling him that he can get the Doctor a strong heart that can withstand the electrical shock. One other episode later, Victor has his heart and resurrects his little bro. 

• Then Gerhard reveals that he's lost a good deal of humanity and mainly talks in grunts, gives in more easily to his emotional instincts, and kills his dad in a fit of rage when said dad is a jerk to Victor again.  Victor is horrified at what he's created, Gerhard is horrified at what he's done, and the two brothers almost agree it's best if Gerhard dies right now. However, Victor, convinced that he can save his brother's humanity, storms off and locks Gerhard in a cell. 

That just happened, I guess...?

Storybrooke

• In the wake of the car accident at the end of the last episode, Belle screams at Mr. Gold to get away from her, and reasonably so (she's shot, he's creepy, let's move on). Mr. Gold uses magic to heal the bullet wound, then goes to beat up Hook. It takes David to wrestle him off of the plowed-down pirate. He and Emma then go to investigate the crashed car, which they realize has a "stranger" inside of it (I use quotes because Storybrooke has nearly all the population of the Fairytale Land, I highly doubt that Emma knows the face of every single citizen.)
• The unconscious man is brought to the hospital, where Dr. Whale is drinking. I'm not a doctor, but I learned from Grey's Anatomy that that is SO not allowed. 

The Audience:

• After two uncomfortable scenes in which Rumpelstiltskin kisses an unconscious Belle who doesn't remember him (hint: she wakes up. It's awkward, but she tells him to keep it in his medieval lederhosen. What does he think this is, a Disney movie from the Fifties?) and Hook hits on Emma and makes a bondage joke while handcuffed to his hospital bed. According to Hook, he has now gained his revenge on Rumpelstiltskin, since he hurt Belle-- the one thing Rumpel truly loves. 
• Meanwhile, Ruby, Grumpy, Snow, and David (most of whom are wearing black and/or leather jackets) are in the hallway of the hospital trying to guess the password of "The Stranger"'s phone. Ruby tells the group that since there are exactly ten thousand possibilities to what the password could be, they'll probably never guess it. 
• Somehow, we learn his name is Greg Mendel. The group freaks out about outsiders a little. Doctor Whale comes out and lets the group know that Greg has internal bleeding. Everyone looks extremely pointedly at Gold, but he refuses to heal Greg on the basis that he saw Gold do magic, and therefore knows far too much to live. 
• LeRoy/Grumpy agrees: he wants to outright kill Greg. 

Snow, Emma, Maybe David, Ruby, and Hopefully The Audience:

LeRoy/Aptly-Named Grumpy:

• Everyone shoots this idea down as fast as we would hope anyone labeled "protagonists" would. Snow uses her motherly instincts to quickly realize that Dr. Whale is drunk, but he goes to do surgery anyway. As he does, Greg's phone rings with the Star Wars theme, which is totally legal since Disney owns ABC and Lucasarts now. Someone is looking for Greg.
• In Rumpelstiltskin's shop, he holds the chipped cup. He turns around and finds Cora is there! She asks to be allowed to win back Regina in exchange for a way to find Baelfire, which is in a box. Cora then reveals to the audience that she was taught by Rumpelstiltskin. The two mages agree to a truce, and then seal the pact with a kiss, implying they were once in a relationship.
• While David asks Whale if he's drunk (Whale denies it), someone keeps calling Greg. He has the caller ID for this number labeled as "Her." Emma and the gang find Whale's pager in the trash and realize that he is not  in the Operating Room. 
• Across town, Cora sneaks into Regina's secret lair, magically disguised as Henry. She apologizes for the deception, then tries to convince Regina that she is sorry for her actions and forgives Regina for trying to kill her. She only framed Regina to show her what the townspeople really thought of the former Queen. Regina decides to bring Cora to town so that she can confess to everyone that she framed her daughter with Archie's "murder." Cora "agrees."

Because that'll actually happen.

• Cora marvels at modern technology while Regina drives her to, I dunno, the town square? (I would legitimately watch an episode where Regina teaches Cora to drive. If you agree, comment,we'll start a petition.) On the way there, Cora implies that Regina will always be an outcast...Henry will never really love her again. It's super sad. Cora says she wants her daughter back, leading to Regina hugging her (after pulling the car over, of course) and the two women allying to get Henry back.

I bet Lana Parilla could rock this song in "Once Upon a Time: The Musical."

• Ruby uses her wolf-tracking to find Dr. Whale. He tries to jump off the docks after throwing the watch from Gerhard into the water, but Ruby saves him and gives him a pep talk. They rush back to the hospital, where the suddenly-sober Whale saves Greg in surgery. Emma interviews him and learns that Greg was TEXTING WHILE DRIVING. 

• This is not okay, Greg!!!! This is dangerous! This is how people like Hook wind up in the hospital!!! Unfortunately, Emma only cares about getting Greg out of town ASAP, so she lets him off with NO CHARGES, since he can't remember anything about the magic usage. Yeah, he'll never suspect that something's up in this town. 
• Rumpelstiltskin goes to talk to Belle, to whom he gives the chipped cup. As she sees it, he's a creeper who won't leave her alone and she doesn't know why. Therefore, it's not really surprising that she throws the cup against the wall. It's still rather sad, though (and if you read my review last week, you'll know that I don't even like Rumbelle).
• The next day, Rumpelstiltskin takes out a magical globe from the box that Cora gave him. He pricks his finger and uses the plot to make a map on the globe that pinpoints Baelfire's location. 
• At the Royal Family's apartment, Henry demands to know what happened the night before, since he slept through it all. Nobody tells him, it's delightful. They do mention that it involved Dr. Whale/Frankenstein, which freaks Henry out; according to Henry, the story of Frankenstein is definitely not in his book-- it's not even a fairytale. He theorizes that this means there could be people from many different worlds in Storybrooke, not just The Fairytale Land. 
• Rumpelstiltskin arrives and cashes in Emma's favor that she promised to him a very long time ago, back in Season 1 (I honestly forget what it was for. If you comment and let me know, you get a virtual ice cream cone). He demands that Emma comes with him to go outside of Storybrooke and find Baelfire.

Roadtriiiiiiiiiiip!!!!

• Back in the hospital, Greg wakes up, calls his wife, and tells her that something is odd about this little town he's found himself within...

What I Thought

   Does anyone like Stir Fries? 

   I do. The chicken, the rice, the veggies, be they bok choi or broccoli or celery, sometimes noodles...all of it. There's not one favorite part, because every little part of the stir fry is already so mouth-watering. When put together, it's just this big, delicious, amazing experience for my taste buds. 

   That's kind of how this episode was for me. There were a lot of wonderful little moments all chained together to make an excellent show. "Once Upon a Time" has an ensemble cast, and it really knew that this episode. We got to see Regina go through some progression that, while heart-wrenching, made sense for her character. Fans of Emma and Hook as a couple got some interaction between the two, while Rumpelstiltskin finally took a step closer to reaching his ultimate goal. In the flashback scenes, the writers gave us an episode that resembled some of the quality ones from Season 1, especially given that the black and white scenes paralleled the emotional chaos Whale was going through in Storybrooke. There were some fun group scenes in the hospital, like when Grumpy, Ruby, Snow and David were trying to guess the phone password. Everyone got a moment, and I felt that the writers balanced it all really well. 

   Other than Victor's dad's terrible acting, there really wasn't that much I didn't like. Ruby got a lot of fun moments this episode. I love that she knew the number of possible passwords, and I adore that she got to save the day by finding Whale and saving him from suicide. It was good to hear that the writers weren't forgetting about past continuity: Ruby talks about the fact that she ate her boyfriend, and that she's had to deal with it. She sort of laughs off the explanation, but you can tell she's trying to play it cool. Ruby definitely strikes me as one of the most down-to-earth characters to me. She's able to see that The Curse had some benefits (I have a feeling Snow or LeRoy would have shot down this line of thinking immediately), which demonstrates that she can think objectively. At the same time, Ruby acknowledges that dwelling on the past does nothing, and that everyone in Storybrooke should make the best of the new beginnings fate has given them. This was a really cool example of how a character can shine in an episode without being the focus of the flashbacks. Indeed, one could make the argument that Whale is not the main character, and instead serves as a means to tie together the wonderful moments that all of the other characters get. Whether he is the chicken binding the veggies and carbs together, or just the teriyaki sauce, I think it's safe to say that this was a delicious stir fry, and I eagerly await the next serving. 

   (Speaking of vegetables, Greg's last name is Mendel. Greg Mendel is the name of a scientist known for his experiments involving genetics and peas. I guess the science vs. magic theme got itself an Easter Egg this week.)

My Score:

8/10.

The flashbacks weren't intriguing, but there was a lot of fun to be had in Storybrooke this week.

My Questions:

• Were you as excited as I was by Henry's theory regarding other worlds? What other characters are likely to show up now that the "fairytales-only" restriction has been lifted?
• How strict will Gold hold Emma to the favor? Does the roadtrip only end once they find Bael?
• Is Henry going to resent Emma for leaving him so soon after coming home?

Next Week:

The giant returns, and he's lost weight! Rumpelstiltskin and Emma argue over what to watch in cheap motels while on their roadtrip!

(Disclaimer: As always, I've used a lot of gifs, cultural references, memes, and photos. If you or someone you know owns/made one of the gifs/photos/etc., comment below and let me know- I'll take it down, if that's what you wish. I don't claim ownership of any of them, I just browse Tumblr and other sites for ones that fit my blog. Also, I own none of the media I reference. "Once Upon a Time" belongs to ABC, the Harry Potter series belongs to J.K. Rowling and whoever made the movies, "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" to Disney, "New Girl" belongs to Fox, "Les Miserables" to , um...I dunno... etc., etc...I own nothing. This blog is for entertainment purposes only!)

Chapter 11: In Which Belle Becomes an Epic Detective

Hey, readers! I'm so sorry about the wait! Thank you so much for patiently waiting. I had a ton of homework this weekend, and grades are more important than "Once Upon a Time," so...

Your Likely Reaction to the Above Statement:

My Response:

I'm kind of like Hermione before people forgot that she was "The Annoying One" in the group. Anyways, now that we've established my well-known zealotry regarding my academic studies, on to the recap and review of this week's episode of ABC's fabulous "Once Upon a Time," 2x11: "The Outsider!"

What Happened

Fairytale Land (Past) :

• Last season, after Belle ditched Rumpelstiltskin's tower because he had intimacy issues and was unwilling to try the latest form of acne treatment, she gave Grumpy (known at the time as Dreamy, before said dreams were tragically crushed) some romantic advice. This takes place the day afterwards, when Belle is being adorkable in the same medieval tavern/pub/social scene, reading a book in a corner and planning out the next great Fairytale Landian Novel. 
• Grumpy/Dreamy shows up and encourages her to go on an adventure (the purpose of which is to hunt down a demon called a Yaoguai, which has been terrorizing the nearby towns) with some sketchy-looking guys in the corner who've decided it's a good idea to bring back the Tri-Cornered hat. 

I hear it's all the rage in Europe.

• Belle then gets the experience that any poor soul who has ever tried to read a book in a public place during their adolescence has been forced to undergo when one of her fellow adventurers asks her what she's reading. 

Traveling Companion:

Belle:

• The traveling companion continues to be obnoxious. Belle gets her smart-hat on and tells the dude (who just can't take "leave me the chocolate fudgicle alone" for an answer) that the Yaoguai lives near lakes. The jerk kicks Belle off the cart that he and his pals were riding, but Belle picks herself up and earns a "You go, girl," from the audience when she reveals that the Yaoguai actually like to hang out near mountains, not lakes. 
• At the mountain, Belle finds the Yaoguai, which looks like a magical fiery lion, but it attacks her! Just when our intrepid investigator is about to be irreversibly ingested, Mulan shows up and saves her. She's quite and reasonably irked with Belle, given that she'd apparently been tracking the Yaoguai for weeks. I guess she and Shang got divorced...?
• Later, Belle is being bullied in town by the same Traveling Companion as before. Mulan saves her again, reminding us viewers that the female characters on this show are not only the coolest and most epic but by far the most competent. 
• The two women team up, Mulan deciding to cut Belle some slack since Belle can decipher a book that has information about the Yaoguai within. When they arrive near the Yaoguai, Mulan's leg wound flares up (she got it from the bullies apparently, I missed that part when I was staring forlornly at the fridge trying to decide between blueberries or coffee ice cream) and Belle is left to go and beat the Yaoguai alone. 

Yaogaui:

• Belle invents irrigation and drenches the Yaogaui, which then turns back into its true self: Prince Philip! He'd been cursed by Maleficent, but now he's free! Belle introduces him to his one true love new best friend Mulan. Since she's having an excellent night, she bids them goodnight and leaves to go and give Rumpelstiltskin a second chance!

How Belle Feels:

• Then, just in case you were feeling happy, Regina shows up and captures Belle to bring her to the tower. 

How Belle Feels Now:

How the Audience Feels:

Storybrooke:

• After Rumpelstiltskin successfully pulls off an experiment (with Smee as the unwilling guinea pig), everybody else has a funeral for Archie. It's hard to feel sad, because A) we all know he's not really dead and B) I never really liked him that much. (Neither did Gepetto's parents, come and join our club.)
• Rumpelstiltskin explains to Belle that he's created a magic potion that allows him to cross the town line without losing his memory: he just has to put the potion on his most precious object and carry it with him (in order to find his son Baelfire).  For him, this means his wife Meela's shawl. As for me...

...well, he never does quite explain how one would pour magical potion onto paper without ruining it.

• On board the ship, Hook interrogates the still-alive Archie, but doesn't get any information out of him. So, naturally, Hook skips off to the library and tries to nab Belle. He fails, due to Rumpelstiltskin's timely intervention (my, Belle's a bit of a damsel this episode). Belle and Rumpel head back to his shop, which is a wreck-- apparently Hook used Belle as a distraction so he could go and shoplift an Everlasting Gobstobber steal the magical shawl. 
• If you've seen one Rumbelle conversation, you've seen them all. Rumpelstiltskin tells Belle she doesn't understand him and his reasoning  she tells him she wants to, and it goes on for five minutes. Eventually, it's decided that Belle will stay behind while Rumpelstiltskin goes to get the supernatural shawl back. 

• Meanwhile, in a household where passive-aggressive behaviors have yet to win over conversation and the sharing of emotions and ideas, Henry is heartbroken over Archie's supposed death. To deal with the grief, he is listening to Archie's voicemail over and over again. 

• Grumpy interrupts the grief (I guess the Royal Family's place is just sort of the hangout for everybody) by expressing an interest in returning to the Fairytale Land. Snow instantly rejects this, because Downton Abbey Season 3 has just started airing in America and the Fairytale Land lacks even the public channels. Grumpy, Ruby, and the rest of the dwarves point out that humans may very well start wandering into Storybrooke accidentally, and that while human fairytale characters such as Snow and David might be accepted with open arms, your everyday citizen is likely going to be far less tolerant of someone who can turn into a wolf or is born out of an egg fully grown as an adult. 
• We are then whisked away from what would have been a wonderfully interesting debate to see Belle discovering the invisible ship, she's just that good.

(Oh, and Rumpelstiltskin turns Smee into a rat. Apart from all the Pettigrew jokes we now get to make, nobody cares.)

• Belle frees Archie and sends him off to go get help while she investigates the ship, leading to the Horror Movie part of the episode, in which Hook shows up, alludes to Rumpelstiltskin murdering Meela (to which Belle responds with a "meh"), and begins chasing our heroine around the ship. 
• Rumpelstiltskin appears and fights Hook, then begins beating him up. Belle manages to talk him down, but only after Rumpel  reveals some very vengeful and homicidal tendencies still floating around in that magical noggin of his.

Rumpelstiltskin's Not-So-Diplomatic Solution to the Hook Problem:

Banishment. It's where it's at. 

• While all of this exciting detective/horror/soap opera drama is happening down at the docks, more was occurring back in the town. Snow tries to get David to see that they can buy a house in Storybrooke and live a peaceful life watching Maggie Smith be Maggie Smith in British costume dramas. David is not secure enough in his masculinity to watch anything with prominent romantic storylines, so he insists they go back and fight to take back the kingdom...again (from Cora this time.) 
• Snow is a human being who is already ten times more epic than David and knows it. Much as she'd like to go on a reunion tour with the Disney Princess Brigade, she explains to David that she is tired of fighting. It is then that Snow utters perhaps the most realistic and amazing line of the season: "Maybe we want different things." (More on that in the review).
• Archie goes and lets Emma and Henry know that he's alive, which proves that Regina didn't kill him. Henry's all "Ermahgerd I totes knew it," while I'm just like:

• That night, Belle and Rumpelstiltskin drive into the woods together. Much as the Rumbelle shippers would love it, they do NOT proceed to do what most couples might do in a car in the middle of the woods on a Sunday night (okay, it's probably not Sunday in Storybrooke, but it can be like a Friday for them, because Belle basically owns the library and Rumpelstiltskin basically owns the town, so if they want to not go in the next day, they can not go in the next day. Jefferson can live without his copy of Fifty Shades of Grey for one more day). 
• Just as Rumpelstiltskin crosses the town line and is about to depart on his journey to find Baelfire, Hook pops up and shoots Belle, who isn't fatally wounded- yay! On the other hand, she fell over the boundary, so she's lost her memory- nay! 
• Then a car hits Hook and saves the not-so-happy couple before crashing into the side of the road.

What I Thought:

   Oh, Rumbelle. How I loved thee when you first appeared. It was a fun twist on a classic fairy tale, taking someone who was a beast in a far less cuddly way than his mainstream Disney counterpart and pairing him off with someone who had to believe that people can change not just their manners and their habits, but their cores, their very beings. The couple takes the forefront in this episode again, and unfortunately, it's to the episode's overall detriment.
   When you boil away all of the details, this plot boils down to one we've seen at least twice before (2x04, and Belle's premiere episode in Season 1): Rumpelstiltskin is less than perfect. Belle believes in him and he lets her down. Rumpelstiltskin implies he'll try harder next time, and Belle forgives him. Quite honestly, I'm sick of it. Relationships involve forgiveness, it's true, but they also involve effort, and I feel like that's something Rumpelstiltskin is just refusing to give. This is very much a one-sided relationship, in which Rumpelstiltskin gets to use Belle as an emotional crutch while he continues to use magic, torture others, and seek vengeance despite Belle's politely-worded wishes. What is Belle receiving emotionally? Rumpelstiltskin is very clearly showing that he doesn't want to try and change for Belle, not when there are more important things on the line like making up for past mistakes and inadequacies.
   He says he wants his son, and we're led to believe that he is trying to find Baelfire out of love, but let's take a step back and look at the big picture. Baelfire was transported to our world decades ago. He's likely found himself a new life and put his past behind him. Rumpelstiltskin seeking out his son will reopen plenty of old wounds, especially considering that Rumpelstiltskin was not willing to give up his magic to be happy with his son. But Rumpelstiltskin doesn't seem to care; he wants to find Baelfire because it will satisfy his emotional needs, his desire to make up for abandoning Baelfire years ago. Rumpelstiltskin isn't willing to give anything up in a relationship, romantic or fatherly, and I can't keep routing for him and Belle to succeed as a couple. She deserves someone who is willing to do as much for her as she keeps doing for Rumpelstiltskin, time and time again.
   Now, don't get me wrong: I still like Rumpelstiltskin as a character on a redemption arc, I just don't want to see Belle be dragged down with him. There were two other parts of this episode that I adored, along the lines of the "maturity" chain of thought that I wrote about last week. The first was Snow and David's realization that they have two very different plans for their future. Most marital difficulties are threats from within, not armies and sorceresses from without, so it will be intriguing to see how Snow and David handle their varying opinions in future episodes, especially considering that we've seen them deal with far more physical threats than emotional difficulties. Additionally, Ruby and the dwarves' point was a cynical but valid point about human nature: fear of the unknown is a huge motivational factor for many forms of intolerance.

My Score:

5/10. 

Small subplots weren't enough to redeem the main storyline starring Rumbelle's star-crossed love relationship. 

My Questions:

-Are the seeds of some kind of schism being planted in Storybrooke (perhaps David, Ruby, and the dwarves returning to Storybrooke while Snow, Emma, and Rumpelstiltskin remain in our world?)

-How permanent will Belle's amnesia be? Archie's faked death was resolved rather quickly, but other subplots like August's disappearance and Neal's postcard have been patiently put on a shelf by the writers. Will Belle's newest problem be resolved quickly, or is this her new status quo?

-Is Archie getting Pongo back now, or has Emma already filled out the forms? 

Next Week:

Who is the strange man with such poor driving skills? Also, a mother-daughter reunion and Frankenstein freakiness!

 

(Disclaimer: As always, I've used a lot of gifs, cultural references, memes, and photos. If you or someone you know owns/made one of the gifs/photos/etc., comment below and let me know- I'll take it down, if that's what you wish. I don't claim ownership of any of them, I just browse Tumblr and other sites for ones that fit my blog. Also, I own none of the media I reference. "Once Upon a Time" belongs to ABC, Fifty Shades of Grey belongs to E.L. James and her publisher,"The Big Bang Theory" belongs to CBS, "GLEE" belongs to Fox, "The Road to El Dorado" to Dreamworks, the Harry Potter series to J.K. Rowling, "Sherlock" to the BBC and Moffat, etc., etc...I own nothing. This blog is for entertainment purposes only!)

Chapter 9: In Which Hook is a Wannabe-Ninja

This is it, guys and girls, ladies and gentlement, people from across the globe. Tonight was the grand (Winter) finale of ABC's "Once Upon a Time," 2x09: "Queen of Hearts." It was a wrap-up to the first half of the season's storylines, so we were expecting a lot from it. Did it deliver? Let's find out!

 

What Happened:

 

The Fairytale Land (the Past)

• Hook is a total master of disguise. Using his Cloak of Hiddenness, he manages to break into Belle's cell, where Regina is keeping her. He asks Belle is she knows how to Rumpelstiltskin, but soon learns she's about as helpful as a Blue-Ray disc in the Nineties.
• Regina shows up looking like a stylish Fifties fashion designer (I mean, seriously, THAT HAIR) and wants to know why Hook is messing with her prisoner. When she learns of his desire to kill Rumpelstiltskin, she decides to offer him a deal:  Kill her mother, Cora (so that she doesn't get taken to Storybrooke when Regina casts the curse) and Regina will help her kill Rumpelstiltskin.

Hook:

"Meh, Les Miserables doesn't come out for a month, I got time to kill...I'm in."

 

Regina:



 

• So then Hook goes to Wonderland, where apparently Cora has taken up residence as the Queen of Hearts. We don't really find out why, but she was disguising her face and voice. Whatevs.
• Hook tries to steal Cora's heart using a magic something-or-other given to him by Regina. Unfortunately, it doesn't work. Cora stops him and steals Hook's heart. When she learns what he was doing, she has him do something for her, instead.
• Hook lugs Cora back to the main Fairytale Land, where he plops her in a coffin and pretends she's dead. Regina buys it, and actually seems quite saddened: apparently she only wanted Cora dead because she still loved her, despite everything Cora had done to her. She didn't want Cora to hold her back, because- as Cora once told Regina- "love is weakness."
• Later, we discover how Mulan, Aurora, Philip, Cora, and Hook were protected from the curse: Cora cast a protective spell over herself and Hook, along with a large portion of the Fairytale Land that they were standing in. Everyone there was protected from the curse. It looked a lot like the defensive charms from the Battle of Hogwarts, but I digress.

 

The Fairytale Land AND Storybrooke (present) - (these two are far too tied together this week to separate...)

• Within Gold's shop, David is snoozing and Henry is reading to him. Regina thinks it's sweet, even though we all know she's vomiting on the inside.
• Gold and Regina discuss the fact that while Emma and Snow MIGHT be the ones to make it out of the portal, it's far more likely Cora will win. In the name of practicality, the two schemers decide to pull a heist!



Is it too soon to make a joke regarding who could have helped them? Technically he's been dead twenty-eight years, sooooooo...?

• Back in the Fairytale Land, the Disney Princess Brigade gets to Rumpelstiltskin's cell. Unfortunately for them, they don't find the ink-- only a piece of paper with Emma's name written on it over, and over, and over again...it's, like, TOTALLY "Criminal Minds: European Folklore."
• Suddenly Aurora traps them in their cell! Has she betrayed them all? Is she jealous that Mulan got a sundial patent and didn't split the reward with her? No, nothing nearly so melodramatic, it's just Cora and Hook using her disembodied heart to possess her.
• Cora and Hook snatch the compass back. Hook takes a moment to let Emma know, in no uncertain terms, that they are never, ever, EVER getting back together. She could care less. The shippers should care less, but we do. We DO care. Many a "Captain Swan" fan will spend the month of December aching for the Romance of the Year to pick up again.



Yes, Leah Michelle...Yes, we have.

• Regina and Gold cackle and tiptoe up to the Magic Well in the Storybrooke Woods (remember the one from last year's finale? The one that Gold poured the True Love Potion into in order to bring magic back to Storybrooke?) Together, they dump the magic they stole from the fairy-dust mines into the well via a lightning-bolt, booger-colored so that we know it's bad.
• Henry and Ruby show up, horrified at what Regina has done. Regina and Gold assure them that it's a necessary and realistic defense; Cora will most likely defeat Emma and Snow, thus allowing herself to enter Storybrooke and hurt Henry. The kid is less than understanding.
• In the Fairytale Land, Mulan further proves her intelligence by locating the ink bottle. It's empty, unfortunately. Snow then realizes that the ink is within the paper, written a thousand times as Emma's name. She blows the words off the scroll of Creeper Paper and into the bars, thus releasing them.
• The Disney Princess Brigade arrives to the lake where Hook and Cora were about to jump into a portal to Storybrooke. They have a REALLY, uber-intense battle with lots of "Girl, please" and "This place about to" moments, it's really quite exciting. (Oh, and Hook and Emma have more eyesex. LOTS more. That's probably the real reason Cora is angry, because she thinks Emma is stealin' "her man.")
• Eventually, Mulan gets Aurora's heart back and goes off to free her. Cora tries to grab Emma's heart, but it won't work- a big blast of energy comes out of Emma's heart and knocks Cora down.



Emma has the Power of Heart!

• Emma and Snow make it back to Storybrooke safely, thanks to Regina deciding to trust Henry that Good would win and Emma and Snow would be the ones to come through the portal, resulting in a vastly-painful spell in which Regina sucked up the evil booger-colored lightning bolt so that Snow and Emma survived the trip home.
• Henry is totally ungrateful, but luckily Emma has better manners. Snow kisses David and wakes him up, Henry FINALLY thanks Regina before going off to get dinner with Emma, and Regina is very sad because Gold rubs the whole "There goes your son, off to look up to another woman as his mother figure" thing in her face. In the Fairytale Land, Mulan and Aurora go off to look for the way to restore Philip.
• Off in the distance, Hook and Cora sail up to Storybrooke harbor in a freaking PIRATE SHIP; apparently they had a magic bean left over from the Giant's house that allowed them to navigate the portal and arrive in Storybrooke. They roll up, all ready to conquer, like, you just KNOW they're jamming to Ke$ha and getting ready to take over Storybrooke. And the cool thing is...I almost found myself rooting for 'em.

 

What I Thought:

 

   I loved the ending. I freaking LOVED the ending. I just cannot...I mean, that's so cool. That is SOOOOOO cool, and you all know it. But, ah... *ahem* I suppose I should try and reclaim a little bit of professionalism for the "review" portion of this post.

    The best part of this episode was the ending. That's not to say the rest was bad, because it wasn't. It was decent stuff. Nothing too surprising, simply because all signs had been pointing to this, but it was still enjoyable. Snow and Emma got home, Cora and Hook were defeated for now, Regina managed to get a little bit farther in her relationship to Henry...not too surprising.

   The ending, on the other hand, blew me out of the water, almost literally. This is something that has clearly been being built towards all season, and it had to happen in the way that it did. Emma and Snow have been battling Cora and Hook all season long, but we always kind of knew they'd win. Because, as Henry kept insisting, "Good always wins." That might not be the case for much longer. Cora, who clearly is a more powerful mage than Regina and possibly Gold, has arrived in Storybrooke. The very thing Regina and Gold were afraid of is occurring before our very eyes, right after multiple episodes of people telling us how bad this would be if it came to pass. With Cora in power, arriving in Storybrooke, I'm really looking forward to a lot of Fairytale Land conventions being challenged. Love might not conquer all, because Cora's launching an attack that she can, and likely will, win.

    I think we're looking ahead to a Storybrooke at war. In a war, people tend to change and grow up, and now always for the better. Henry might have to adjust his naivete a bit over the second half of the season, starting in January. Maybe things will be less black and white, now that we're back in our world. Surely with Neal on his way and Emma's possible romantic feelings for Hook, that's something that's got potential romantically as well as morally. Regina clearly wants to remain a presence in Henry's life, which may not happen with Emma back in the picture. So what does she do-- fight Emma to be in Henry's life again? Will Emma give in, or try to keep Henry for herself? I think we're going to be seeing a lot of grey in the second half of this season, and Good might not always win in every decision that will be made...

 

My Score: 7/10. A somewhat predictable plot was redeemed by an exciting lead into the rest of the season.

 

My Predictions for The Show's Return:

-Emma will try to leave Storybrooke to be with Neal.

-Hook will develop feelings for Emma, but she won't visibly reciprocate (if she does eventually admit to them, it won't be until the Season Finale).

-Henry will learn magic from Regina.

-Belle will break things off with Gold, so that Hook can't use her against him. It'll work about as well as it did for Spider-Man and Mary Jane.

-We won't hear from August, Mulan, or Aurora for awhile...

-...but we'll get some new "modernizations" of fairy tale characters who have been in Storybrooke this whole time, just in the background (I know there were rumors of Ariel, Aladdin, and Jafar for this season, along with Wizards of Oz characters. Of course, the rumors started this past summer, so they might not be accurate, but we can only hope!)

 

 

(Disclaimer: As always, I've used a lot of gifs, cultural references, memes, and photos. If you or someone you know owns/made one of the gifs/photos/etc., comment below and let me know- I'll take it down, if that's what you wish. I don't claim ownership of any of them, I just browse Tumblr and other sites for ones that fit my blog. Also, I own none of the media I reference. "Once Upon a Time" belongs to ABC, Ke$ha songs belong to Ke$ha, "Glee" belongs to Fox, God knows who "Captain Planet" belongs to, etc., etc...I own nothing.)







Chapter 5: In Which Regina Dresses Like a Jedi Padawan.

Tonight we were treated to a special Halloween episode of ABC's "Once Upon a Time:" 2x05, "The Doctor." While it's certainly no "Scream" or "Nightmare on Elm Street," this episode had its share of creepy, as well as good ol' fashioned Storybrooke...science? Read on for my "muahaha"-filled recap and review!

What Happened:

Fairytale Land (Past)

• Regina begins her Sith Lord training with Rumpelstiltskin in the same outfit Hayden Christensen wore in "Revenge of the Sith," only with a lighter color-scheme. I guess she was a fangirl. 

Overlarge leather vests and billowy sleeves are what's hot this fall.

• Anyway, enough fashion talk. Rumpelstiltskin tells Regina to freeze a unicorn, which she does. He then insists she take its heart, which she is uncomfortable with, so Rumpel does it for her before telling her to kill it by squeezing the heart. Regina cannot bring herself to do it, leading Rumpel to ask her what is holding her back from killing.
• Later, Regina tells Rumpelstiltskin that she wants to learn magic so that she can bring back Daniel, her dead boyfriend that her mom killed via Heart-Grabbing. Suddenly Jefferson, aka The Mad Hatter, shows up, and the audience is like,

• This is Jefferson in his fabulous days before his band tanked, when he wore all the eye shadow he wanted and all his fangirls wore top hats to see him play the drums. 
• FabJeff gives Rumpelstiltskin a glass ball, which is from another world or something. Rumpelstiltskin has this amazing moment where Jefferson is all, "You want the magic ball or not?" and Rumpy's all, "Mmmmmmokay" and snatches it. SOLID GOLD. (see what I did there? ;) )
• FabJeff reminds Regina that she is in fact married to a king which does in fact make her a queen and can therefore make queenly deals of queenly power. The deal essentially boils down to "You let me drive a carriage w/o a license and jailbreak my iPod, I get you a freaky witch-doctor thang to bring back your Stable-Man." 
• Later FabJeff introduces Regina to Doctor Whale's Fairytale-Land Counterpart, Victor, who's rocking the buttons and he doesn't care because he's almost as fabulous as Jefferson and that's saying something, I mean really, the two of them could do commercials together. 
• Dr. Vic tells Regina that he needs a heart to bring back Daniel, and just in the middle of the dramatic scene an ad for Wreckit Ralph comes on screen. I was not pleased.

"What the heck Pixar I mean normally I love you but Regina is making a character-shaping ethical decision here, come back when Henry's onscreen or something!"

• Regina takes Dr. Victor and FabJeff to her old house and shows them her mom Cora's secret vault of hearts. Dr. Vic picks one and they go on their merry way to do the experiment to bring back Daniel, whom Regina has kept in peak (albeit dead) condition via a spell. Unfortunately the experiment doesn't work 
• Now that she has nothing to lose, Regina goes to Rumpelstiltskin, kills some poor chick he was teaching, and tells him she's ready to learn all magic, including the dark kinds. Little did she know that Rumpelstiltskin paid Dr. Victor off to make the experiment a dud, ensuring his apprentice was in the right mental state to be EEEEEEEEEVIL. Dr. Victor heads back to his own world where technicolor hasn't been invented yet, but resurrections have...that's right, folks, Dr. Victor/Dr. Whale is a modernized Dr. Frankenstein, and he manages to bring back his dead brother using the heart he took from Cora's vault (of course we all know how THAT turned out.)

Storybrooke

• Sheriff David clocks Dr. Whale because he and Snow White slept together that one time when they were all cursed and she was technically single so Whale really wasn't doing anything wrong...Our Hero, everybody. 
• David informs Whale about his quest to find a portal to the Fairytale Land. Whale then bursts in on a psych session, in which a weepy Regina was telling Archie/Jiminy Cricket about how she's quitting magic cold-turkey in order to win back Henry. Whale demands that Regina send him back to be with his brother, to which Regina replies she only brought the living to Storybrooke. 
• As soon as Whale shuts the door and leaves, Archie asks her if that's true- that all the dead Fairytale citizens stayed in their homeland. Regina then gets a priceless moment where she looks right at Archie and tells him she brought who SHE wanted (her dead dad and Daniel.) It was her curse, after all. 

• David brings Henry to the stable to meet his horse, then makes up this half-baked story about how shoveling a horse's excrement around bonds horse and rider. The audience doesn't care, but the plot tells us, "This is important later, just stick around, okay???"
• Regina discovers Daniel's grave is empty, so she goes to her secret prison underneath the hospital, where she finds Dr. Whale, weak and short one arm. He informs her Daniel has indeed been resurrected, but is now a monster. 
• Regina tells David what happened, and the two of them somehow figure out where Daniel's going: the stables. 
• In the stables, Henry is being lazy, big surprise, and is working on his horse's hairstyle instead of cleaning up like David told him. Suddenly Daniel shows up, all zombie-esque, and advances towards Henry.
• Luckily Regina and David save Henry. Regina manages to awaken Daniel's humanity, but he is in so much pain that he begs her to kill him. Regina turns him to dust, finally deciding to let go of her lost love. 
• While Regina goes to see Archie again, the injured Whale goes to see Rumpelstiltskin, who (after making Whale admit that science cannot do what magic can) heals his arm. 

Fairytale Land (Present)

• The Disney Princess Brigade (Aurora, Mulan, Emma and Snow) arrive at The Sanctuary town, only to find out the town has been massacred by Cora, again with that gross Indiana Jones 2-Heart-Grabby-Thing. The only survivor is Kilian, who has apparently been disguising himself as the town blacksmith to spy for Cora (his ex-girlfriend that doesn't quite get they're through.) 
• The next five minutes of the show are as follows:

Kilian:

"They'll NEVER suspect who I REALLY am!"

Emma:

• The DPB learn he is Captain Hook/Kilian Jones, a spy for Cora. They wanna leave him to get eaten by ogres, but he tells them he can help find The MacGuffin of Season 2, a magic compass to lead them back to Storybrooke. (What is a MacGuffin, you might ask? Think...the One Ring, The Sorcerer's Stone, etc. Something that is important to the characters simply because it will get them where the plot needs them to go.)
• The group comes across a beanstalk, the top of which is home to a giant who, according to Kilian, has the compass.

What I Thought:

          Let's start with what I liked: the Regina backstory. It was really awesome to see Regina and Rumpelstiltskin back in their glory days, learning and teaching respectively. (Can I just say that Rumpel's actor, Robert Carlyle, knocked it out of the PARK tonight? Like, seriously, he was fantastic, even with his small role in this episode.) Regina had an intriguing storyline about doing something bad with good intentions; she knew her mother had taken those hearts from living people, and that she was using dark, evil magic, the likes of which her mother used to control and her teacher used to kill. Regina clearly believed this was all permissible if it meant she could resurrect someone who she loved. It's an interesting and debate-causing topic, and I liked seeing that play out on screen. Ultimately the show seemed to say that since Regina was corrupted in the end, it's not possible to use dark methods for something good, but it's by no means definitive, given that Regina might very well NOT have become morally comfortable with killing if the experiment had worked and restored Daniel to her. 

Moral conundrums are tricky...

          The other character I loved in this episode was Jefferson. The earliest in his life we had seen him was right around the time he lost his daughter, when his days making deals with Regina were long gone. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed seeing him in his hey-day, making one-liners, being a rambunctious and fun-loving wildchild. That makes sense, given this is probably before he had a daughter, and having children is supposed to make most people more mature, or so I hear. 

          Now I suppose we have to talk about what I didn't appreciate, and that was Regina in Storybrooke. I know I've said before on this blog that I really like her being on the side of the angels now, but I still wanted her to retain her bad attitude and tough streak. Regina didn't feel that way tonight. I know the episode was about her finally giving up her first love, but that really didn't serve as an excuse to me to see her constantly on the verge of tears, talking like she was her young self again, unable to do what she had to do until the last minute. Remember when Regina killed her father, someone she loved, to get something she cared about (revenge)? I find it hard to believe that she wouldn't instantly lash out at Daniel, despite her love for him, with magic when she saw him threatening the person she cares about more than anything else in the world: Henry. Just because she was dealing with the loss of someone she loved is no reason why Regina shouldn't be tough! She's a strong person; just like Emma fought a dragon when Henry was on death's door, and Mulan protected Aurora when Philip was about to receive the Dementor's kiss, I believe Regina could  and should have functioned better despite her feelings for Daniel. 

My Score:

6/10.

The Fairytale Land Regina shined, but Storybrooke Regina disappointed me.

My Questions:

- Okay, Daniel's well and truly gone, Graham's dead, and Philip is cursed...is it possible we might start to see characters break the tradition of "One True Love" and have new romances? People like Emma, Regina, and Mulan deserve to move on- after all, people don't just love the first person they kiss forever!

-Does Kilian have little utensils he can attach to his hand? ( I think the cartoon Hook might have...)

-When are Aurora and Mulan going to discuss Philip again???

Next Week:

Emma's criminal past is revealed, and present-Emma fights a giant!!!

(As always, I just use gifs and pictures I find on Tumblr and other websites. If anyone made/owns one of the gifs/knows who does and feels that I should not have used them, let me know and I will take it down. This blog is made for entertainment purposes only; I own nothing.)