Chapter 13: In Which Henry Helps The Fast Food Industry

The Grammys ("Grammies?") is playing in the background as I write this review. Justin Timberlake is singing...I'm not really quite sure what Justin Timberlake has put out lately, but then again, I'm not exactly musically knowledgeable. Maybe I just don't listen to the right radio stations. All I want is to go back to alternating between Vanessa Carlton's "White House" and Pink's duet with the lead singer of Fun!, as I've been doing all day. Literally, I've been listening to these two songs all day. My family probably hates me. I'm sure they breathed a sigh of relief when I went to watch ABC's "Once Upon a Time". Tonight's episode is the thirteenth episode of the second season, called "Tiny." I hope you enjoy my review/recap!

What Happened:

The Fairytale World (Past):

• About seven or eight giants are all sitting down for dinner. Everyone is making verbal jabs against Anton, the littlest giant, who the others have nicknamed "Tiny." Through the conversation, we learn that Tiny is quite interested in human culture, despite the fact that the humans are not exactly beloved by giants. Tiny's eldest brother Harlow explains that Tiny needs to focus on planting and raising those multi-dimensional beans we saw in an earlier episode. 
• Charming's twin brother James is making out with someone. They're about to do the nasty when King George walks in. James is totally unfazed by this reversal of a typical childhood trauma, but George explains that we're watching an ABC show with a significant portion of its target audience under the age of fourteen, so we can't have sex scenes. 
• Across town, Tiny is sadly looking into a tavern window; he has come down the beanstalk, curious about the human world. Prince James and the woman he definitely did NOT "have a dalliance with" are there looking suave and adventurous. They offer Tiny a magic mushroom that will shrink him down for a few hours. He accepts, and the woman reveals her name to be Jacqueline..."JACK" for short. 

• Once in the bar, Tiny explains how he's not exactly in love with his family lately. Jack and James totally seduce him verbally and non-sexually, it feels like they're about to whip out a cigarette and force him to deal with peer pressure any second. 
• James goes off for a bathroom break, while Jack explains that James' kingdom is in major debt. Tiny offers to go and get some treasure for his new "friends."
• Later, Harlow walks in on Tiny stealing some treasure in the Giants' Castle. James and Jack walk in, too, but they're looking for the magic beans that the Giants grow...and they're willing to fight to take them. 
• It all ends quite badly. All of the giants except Tiny are killed, and Tiny is forced to burn all of the beans to keep them away from the humans. Jack is killed by Harlow, and James escapes with some treasure. Tiny receives a tiny bean seed that he may use in the future to regrow the beans, and is left alone. 

Storybrooke/Our World:

• Everyone is getting ready for a road trip at the Charming House!

• Of course, Emma was totally rude and didn't inform Rumpelstiltskin that she was taking Henry. Now he has to buy an extra plane ticket and everything. Emma retaliates to Rumpel's "ugh" look with an equally large one at his shawl, which protects him from the town boundary. 
• They leave, and Regina shows up looking for Henry. He, unfortunately, is not here, given that he just left. Snow and David give a really inadequate apology. 

"We feel moderately guilty about possibly implying that you may have done bodily harm to our therapist who never charges  for his sessions."

• The Charming couple goes and talks to Hook, thinking that he might know something about where Cora could be. He shows her the Invi-Ship and a cage that contains Tiny, who is...well, tiny. Or at least human size. The littlest giant is released, but sees David and thinks that he is his brother James, so he punches him out and flees. 
• Ruby visits a sedated Belle in the hospital. It's extremely sad, because Belle doesn't remember magic, or her best friend...oh, and Ruby talks to Greg, but no one cares about him. 

The Audience to Greg:

We're crying because we're not over our Ruby/Belle friendship feels. 

• David realizes that Tiny is mistaking him for his brother. At the same time, Henry asks Rumpelstiltskin a lot of annoying questions as they get ready to go through airport security. Rumpelstiltskin briefly goes through the security line without his scarf/shawl, which- because it is the magical talisman that helps him keep his fairytale identity- gives him a mini-headache/freakout. 
• Regina has a quick conversation with Hook in which she finds out that the Charmings found the ship, and refers to Cora needing "her things." Hook also makes yet another bondage joke. (We get it, Hook, you're a kinky guy. Stop making scenes uncomfortable.) The two also discuss how the giant will be an excellent distraction...
• After being given a size-increasing mushroom, Tiny wreaks havoc in town. David explains that he is not, in fact, James, but his twin brother, while Snow explains that they are, in fact, Emma's parents, but "she's kind of out of time!" (Best line of the episode!!!) 
• Tiny doesn't care about their lame excuses, so he goes after them. He smashes into a pipeline and shrinks back down, landing on a precarious pipe. He toys with the idea of letting himself die, which is rather dark for a Disney-sponsored show, but David and co. manage to rescue the giant. 
• Anton/Tiny is inducted into part of the main cast when he goes to Granny's diner. He worries about being a misfit, and Grumpy delivers what is certainly the most ironic line of the episode: "We got all kinds in Storybrooke!"

Y'know, except for black people, Asian people, Hispanic people, gay people, other sexual minorities...

• Tiny is given a field to plant his last bean in, which the dwarves promise to guard, since everyone is concerned that Cora wanted Tiny to plant the beans for some nefarious ulterior motive. 
• Belle is unnerved to find yet another creepy older  man visiting her in her hospital room, but this time it's Greg Mendel, who says that he saw the ball of fire in Rumpelstiltskin's hand, too...
• Snow and Charming discuss how fun it was to go on an adventure together again, and worry a little over Emma. Snow reaffirms her desire to stay in Storybrooke, since it's the first place that their family has been able to be together. 
• Rumpelstiltskin slams his fist against a toilet-paper dispenser in a bathroom. He tries to heal it, but there is no magic outside of Storybrooke, which really freaks him out. Our trio gets on the plane, and Henry snacks on a cinnamon bun. 

What I Thought:

   I'm not in love with Tiny, but it's not exactly Tiny's fault. As one of my friends commented to me, this is basically a rehash of "The Little Mermaid," only with giants instead of merpeople. I feel bad using this as a critique point, because so many stories have similar elements. It's in the nature of stories to use certain tropes, cliches, and conflicts, simply because these are the plot elements that appeal to us as human beings. It doesn't make the writers unoriginal nor lazy, and it usually doesn't turn the audience/reader off, because we don't so much care about the skeleton of the story as we do the muscle and skin and hair and make-up. There are plenty of versions of "The Little Mermaid" that don't involve a teenage half-fish obsessed with 18th-century architecture. Anyone who watches "Game of Thrones" knows about Arya Stark, a young girl far more interested in the culture and activities of men in her society over those traditionally associated with women. Fans of "Doctor Who" see women voyage away from a world they view as mundane into other galaxies, leaving their families behind. I'm sure you can think of similar examples. The main point is that there are many stories like this, with a young person interested in the world beyond their own who ventures forth and finds trouble, and I just didn't like this version.
   Tiny didn't have enough unique layers to make him stand out in my mind as interesting. Another one of my friends and I discussed this episode earlier today, when we talked about how- other than his obsession with and subsequent hatred of humans- we don't really know who Anton is as a person. It's entirely possible that in future episodes we'll get to know him better, though; after all, if I had been writing these during Season 1, I might have said the same thing about Snow and Charming. They've gotten a ton of development since then that shows us they're not their cliches, and they have a lot backing them up in terms of emotion and motivation. If the writers choose to give some more attention to certain minor characters like Tiny, the problems I've noted might pleasantly fade away.
   This episode, we were treated to a few nice moments with some minor characters. I'm digging the subplot involving Belle and Greg; hopefully these two launch some fun detective mission to learn about the not-so-silent elephant in the, er...town square.

I hope they ask Regina what she knows about fireballs. 

   I also like the consistency when it comes to Ruby and her animosity towards outsiders. If the world at large were to learn about Storybrooke, she would be one of the citizens who could stand to lose the most, and I like that the show is remembering that. I also hope we get more arguments between Snow and David; I've liked seeing the realistic portrayal of their relationship lately. 

   Oh, before I forget-- I have to tear into Grumpy's "We've got all kinds in Storybrooke" line, because it's a bit absurd and indicative of a larger problem within the show: diversity! Lancelot, our only black character, is presumably dead, and Mulan, our only Asian character, is having off-screen adventures in Fairytale Land! Also, where are some LGBTQI characters? I realize that this isn't a very sexual show, but most characters have had romances of one sort or another, and I don't see why we couldn't have "The Prince and the Frog" or "The Swan Princess" and, er... "and another Princess!" I know Disney backs this show, and it's not known for leading the equality bandwagon, but this show is on ABC, for Regina's sake! The same network as "Modern Family" and "Grey's Anatomy," two shows lauded for their portrayal of same-sex relationships! Let's give LeRoy's line some justification with racially diverse and LGBTQI characters !!!! 

My Score:

7/10. 

Tiny's personality is a bit too small at the moment. Give us more Ruby!

My Questions:

• Will Henry ever pass the fifth grade at the rate he's been skipping? 
• How long would Rumpelstiltskin have to be parted with his scarf (what is this "shawl" nonsense) to lose his Fairytale memories for good?
• Is Neal really Baelfire? 
• Just how good is Cora gonna look with her hair down?

Next Week:

Henry escapes in Times Square, Mr. Gold goes shopping for a new cane, and Emma totally meets her ex-boyfriend! But shhh- the writers don't want us to know yet!

(Disclaimer: As always, I've used a lot of gifs, cultural references, memes, and photos. If you or someone you know owns/made one of the gifs/photos/etc., comment below and let me know- I'll take it down, if that's what you wish. I don't claim ownership of any of them, I just browse Tumblr and other sites for ones that fit my blog. Also, I own none of the media I reference. "Once Upon a Time" belongs to ABC, the Harry Potter series belongs to J.K. Rowling and whoever made the movies, "The Little Mermaid" to Disney, "The Road to El Dorado" belongs to Dreamworks, "Family Guy" to Fox and Seth Macfarlene... etc., etc...I own nothing. This blog is for entertainment purposes only! Also, this show is written, acted, made and produced by people far more successful than me thus far in my life. I love it, and I only critique because I care! I also know far less about the world than I pretentiously seem to!)

Chapter 11: In Which Belle Becomes an Epic Detective

Hey, readers! I'm so sorry about the wait! Thank you so much for patiently waiting. I had a ton of homework this weekend, and grades are more important than "Once Upon a Time," so...

Your Likely Reaction to the Above Statement:

My Response:

I'm kind of like Hermione before people forgot that she was "The Annoying One" in the group. Anyways, now that we've established my well-known zealotry regarding my academic studies, on to the recap and review of this week's episode of ABC's fabulous "Once Upon a Time," 2x11: "The Outsider!"

What Happened

Fairytale Land (Past) :

• Last season, after Belle ditched Rumpelstiltskin's tower because he had intimacy issues and was unwilling to try the latest form of acne treatment, she gave Grumpy (known at the time as Dreamy, before said dreams were tragically crushed) some romantic advice. This takes place the day afterwards, when Belle is being adorkable in the same medieval tavern/pub/social scene, reading a book in a corner and planning out the next great Fairytale Landian Novel. 
• Grumpy/Dreamy shows up and encourages her to go on an adventure (the purpose of which is to hunt down a demon called a Yaoguai, which has been terrorizing the nearby towns) with some sketchy-looking guys in the corner who've decided it's a good idea to bring back the Tri-Cornered hat. 

I hear it's all the rage in Europe.

• Belle then gets the experience that any poor soul who has ever tried to read a book in a public place during their adolescence has been forced to undergo when one of her fellow adventurers asks her what she's reading. 

Traveling Companion:

Belle:

• The traveling companion continues to be obnoxious. Belle gets her smart-hat on and tells the dude (who just can't take "leave me the chocolate fudgicle alone" for an answer) that the Yaoguai lives near lakes. The jerk kicks Belle off the cart that he and his pals were riding, but Belle picks herself up and earns a "You go, girl," from the audience when she reveals that the Yaoguai actually like to hang out near mountains, not lakes. 
• At the mountain, Belle finds the Yaoguai, which looks like a magical fiery lion, but it attacks her! Just when our intrepid investigator is about to be irreversibly ingested, Mulan shows up and saves her. She's quite and reasonably irked with Belle, given that she'd apparently been tracking the Yaoguai for weeks. I guess she and Shang got divorced...?
• Later, Belle is being bullied in town by the same Traveling Companion as before. Mulan saves her again, reminding us viewers that the female characters on this show are not only the coolest and most epic but by far the most competent. 
• The two women team up, Mulan deciding to cut Belle some slack since Belle can decipher a book that has information about the Yaoguai within. When they arrive near the Yaoguai, Mulan's leg wound flares up (she got it from the bullies apparently, I missed that part when I was staring forlornly at the fridge trying to decide between blueberries or coffee ice cream) and Belle is left to go and beat the Yaoguai alone. 

Yaogaui:

• Belle invents irrigation and drenches the Yaogaui, which then turns back into its true self: Prince Philip! He'd been cursed by Maleficent, but now he's free! Belle introduces him to his one true love new best friend Mulan. Since she's having an excellent night, she bids them goodnight and leaves to go and give Rumpelstiltskin a second chance!

How Belle Feels:

• Then, just in case you were feeling happy, Regina shows up and captures Belle to bring her to the tower. 

How Belle Feels Now:

How the Audience Feels:

Storybrooke:

• After Rumpelstiltskin successfully pulls off an experiment (with Smee as the unwilling guinea pig), everybody else has a funeral for Archie. It's hard to feel sad, because A) we all know he's not really dead and B) I never really liked him that much. (Neither did Gepetto's parents, come and join our club.)
• Rumpelstiltskin explains to Belle that he's created a magic potion that allows him to cross the town line without losing his memory: he just has to put the potion on his most precious object and carry it with him (in order to find his son Baelfire).  For him, this means his wife Meela's shawl. As for me...

...well, he never does quite explain how one would pour magical potion onto paper without ruining it.

• On board the ship, Hook interrogates the still-alive Archie, but doesn't get any information out of him. So, naturally, Hook skips off to the library and tries to nab Belle. He fails, due to Rumpelstiltskin's timely intervention (my, Belle's a bit of a damsel this episode). Belle and Rumpel head back to his shop, which is a wreck-- apparently Hook used Belle as a distraction so he could go and shoplift an Everlasting Gobstobber steal the magical shawl. 
• If you've seen one Rumbelle conversation, you've seen them all. Rumpelstiltskin tells Belle she doesn't understand him and his reasoning  she tells him she wants to, and it goes on for five minutes. Eventually, it's decided that Belle will stay behind while Rumpelstiltskin goes to get the supernatural shawl back. 

• Meanwhile, in a household where passive-aggressive behaviors have yet to win over conversation and the sharing of emotions and ideas, Henry is heartbroken over Archie's supposed death. To deal with the grief, he is listening to Archie's voicemail over and over again. 

• Grumpy interrupts the grief (I guess the Royal Family's place is just sort of the hangout for everybody) by expressing an interest in returning to the Fairytale Land. Snow instantly rejects this, because Downton Abbey Season 3 has just started airing in America and the Fairytale Land lacks even the public channels. Grumpy, Ruby, and the rest of the dwarves point out that humans may very well start wandering into Storybrooke accidentally, and that while human fairytale characters such as Snow and David might be accepted with open arms, your everyday citizen is likely going to be far less tolerant of someone who can turn into a wolf or is born out of an egg fully grown as an adult. 
• We are then whisked away from what would have been a wonderfully interesting debate to see Belle discovering the invisible ship, she's just that good.

(Oh, and Rumpelstiltskin turns Smee into a rat. Apart from all the Pettigrew jokes we now get to make, nobody cares.)

• Belle frees Archie and sends him off to go get help while she investigates the ship, leading to the Horror Movie part of the episode, in which Hook shows up, alludes to Rumpelstiltskin murdering Meela (to which Belle responds with a "meh"), and begins chasing our heroine around the ship. 
• Rumpelstiltskin appears and fights Hook, then begins beating him up. Belle manages to talk him down, but only after Rumpel  reveals some very vengeful and homicidal tendencies still floating around in that magical noggin of his.

Rumpelstiltskin's Not-So-Diplomatic Solution to the Hook Problem:

Banishment. It's where it's at. 

• While all of this exciting detective/horror/soap opera drama is happening down at the docks, more was occurring back in the town. Snow tries to get David to see that they can buy a house in Storybrooke and live a peaceful life watching Maggie Smith be Maggie Smith in British costume dramas. David is not secure enough in his masculinity to watch anything with prominent romantic storylines, so he insists they go back and fight to take back the kingdom...again (from Cora this time.) 
• Snow is a human being who is already ten times more epic than David and knows it. Much as she'd like to go on a reunion tour with the Disney Princess Brigade, she explains to David that she is tired of fighting. It is then that Snow utters perhaps the most realistic and amazing line of the season: "Maybe we want different things." (More on that in the review).
• Archie goes and lets Emma and Henry know that he's alive, which proves that Regina didn't kill him. Henry's all "Ermahgerd I totes knew it," while I'm just like:

• That night, Belle and Rumpelstiltskin drive into the woods together. Much as the Rumbelle shippers would love it, they do NOT proceed to do what most couples might do in a car in the middle of the woods on a Sunday night (okay, it's probably not Sunday in Storybrooke, but it can be like a Friday for them, because Belle basically owns the library and Rumpelstiltskin basically owns the town, so if they want to not go in the next day, they can not go in the next day. Jefferson can live without his copy of Fifty Shades of Grey for one more day). 
• Just as Rumpelstiltskin crosses the town line and is about to depart on his journey to find Baelfire, Hook pops up and shoots Belle, who isn't fatally wounded- yay! On the other hand, she fell over the boundary, so she's lost her memory- nay! 
• Then a car hits Hook and saves the not-so-happy couple before crashing into the side of the road.

What I Thought:

   Oh, Rumbelle. How I loved thee when you first appeared. It was a fun twist on a classic fairy tale, taking someone who was a beast in a far less cuddly way than his mainstream Disney counterpart and pairing him off with someone who had to believe that people can change not just their manners and their habits, but their cores, their very beings. The couple takes the forefront in this episode again, and unfortunately, it's to the episode's overall detriment.
   When you boil away all of the details, this plot boils down to one we've seen at least twice before (2x04, and Belle's premiere episode in Season 1): Rumpelstiltskin is less than perfect. Belle believes in him and he lets her down. Rumpelstiltskin implies he'll try harder next time, and Belle forgives him. Quite honestly, I'm sick of it. Relationships involve forgiveness, it's true, but they also involve effort, and I feel like that's something Rumpelstiltskin is just refusing to give. This is very much a one-sided relationship, in which Rumpelstiltskin gets to use Belle as an emotional crutch while he continues to use magic, torture others, and seek vengeance despite Belle's politely-worded wishes. What is Belle receiving emotionally? Rumpelstiltskin is very clearly showing that he doesn't want to try and change for Belle, not when there are more important things on the line like making up for past mistakes and inadequacies.
   He says he wants his son, and we're led to believe that he is trying to find Baelfire out of love, but let's take a step back and look at the big picture. Baelfire was transported to our world decades ago. He's likely found himself a new life and put his past behind him. Rumpelstiltskin seeking out his son will reopen plenty of old wounds, especially considering that Rumpelstiltskin was not willing to give up his magic to be happy with his son. But Rumpelstiltskin doesn't seem to care; he wants to find Baelfire because it will satisfy his emotional needs, his desire to make up for abandoning Baelfire years ago. Rumpelstiltskin isn't willing to give anything up in a relationship, romantic or fatherly, and I can't keep routing for him and Belle to succeed as a couple. She deserves someone who is willing to do as much for her as she keeps doing for Rumpelstiltskin, time and time again.
   Now, don't get me wrong: I still like Rumpelstiltskin as a character on a redemption arc, I just don't want to see Belle be dragged down with him. There were two other parts of this episode that I adored, along the lines of the "maturity" chain of thought that I wrote about last week. The first was Snow and David's realization that they have two very different plans for their future. Most marital difficulties are threats from within, not armies and sorceresses from without, so it will be intriguing to see how Snow and David handle their varying opinions in future episodes, especially considering that we've seen them deal with far more physical threats than emotional difficulties. Additionally, Ruby and the dwarves' point was a cynical but valid point about human nature: fear of the unknown is a huge motivational factor for many forms of intolerance.

My Score:

5/10. 

Small subplots weren't enough to redeem the main storyline starring Rumbelle's star-crossed love relationship. 

My Questions:

-Are the seeds of some kind of schism being planted in Storybrooke (perhaps David, Ruby, and the dwarves returning to Storybrooke while Snow, Emma, and Rumpelstiltskin remain in our world?)

-How permanent will Belle's amnesia be? Archie's faked death was resolved rather quickly, but other subplots like August's disappearance and Neal's postcard have been patiently put on a shelf by the writers. Will Belle's newest problem be resolved quickly, or is this her new status quo?

-Is Archie getting Pongo back now, or has Emma already filled out the forms? 

Next Week:

Who is the strange man with such poor driving skills? Also, a mother-daughter reunion and Frankenstein freakiness!

 

(Disclaimer: As always, I've used a lot of gifs, cultural references, memes, and photos. If you or someone you know owns/made one of the gifs/photos/etc., comment below and let me know- I'll take it down, if that's what you wish. I don't claim ownership of any of them, I just browse Tumblr and other sites for ones that fit my blog. Also, I own none of the media I reference. "Once Upon a Time" belongs to ABC, Fifty Shades of Grey belongs to E.L. James and her publisher,"The Big Bang Theory" belongs to CBS, "GLEE" belongs to Fox, "The Road to El Dorado" to Dreamworks, the Harry Potter series to J.K. Rowling, "Sherlock" to the BBC and Moffat, etc., etc...I own nothing. This blog is for entertainment purposes only!)

Chapter 9: In Which Hook is a Wannabe-Ninja

This is it, guys and girls, ladies and gentlement, people from across the globe. Tonight was the grand (Winter) finale of ABC's "Once Upon a Time," 2x09: "Queen of Hearts." It was a wrap-up to the first half of the season's storylines, so we were expecting a lot from it. Did it deliver? Let's find out!

 

What Happened:

 

The Fairytale Land (the Past)

• Hook is a total master of disguise. Using his Cloak of Hiddenness, he manages to break into Belle's cell, where Regina is keeping her. He asks Belle is she knows how to Rumpelstiltskin, but soon learns she's about as helpful as a Blue-Ray disc in the Nineties.
• Regina shows up looking like a stylish Fifties fashion designer (I mean, seriously, THAT HAIR) and wants to know why Hook is messing with her prisoner. When she learns of his desire to kill Rumpelstiltskin, she decides to offer him a deal:  Kill her mother, Cora (so that she doesn't get taken to Storybrooke when Regina casts the curse) and Regina will help her kill Rumpelstiltskin.

Hook:

"Meh, Les Miserables doesn't come out for a month, I got time to kill...I'm in."

 

Regina:



 

• So then Hook goes to Wonderland, where apparently Cora has taken up residence as the Queen of Hearts. We don't really find out why, but she was disguising her face and voice. Whatevs.
• Hook tries to steal Cora's heart using a magic something-or-other given to him by Regina. Unfortunately, it doesn't work. Cora stops him and steals Hook's heart. When she learns what he was doing, she has him do something for her, instead.
• Hook lugs Cora back to the main Fairytale Land, where he plops her in a coffin and pretends she's dead. Regina buys it, and actually seems quite saddened: apparently she only wanted Cora dead because she still loved her, despite everything Cora had done to her. She didn't want Cora to hold her back, because- as Cora once told Regina- "love is weakness."
• Later, we discover how Mulan, Aurora, Philip, Cora, and Hook were protected from the curse: Cora cast a protective spell over herself and Hook, along with a large portion of the Fairytale Land that they were standing in. Everyone there was protected from the curse. It looked a lot like the defensive charms from the Battle of Hogwarts, but I digress.

 

The Fairytale Land AND Storybrooke (present) - (these two are far too tied together this week to separate...)

• Within Gold's shop, David is snoozing and Henry is reading to him. Regina thinks it's sweet, even though we all know she's vomiting on the inside.
• Gold and Regina discuss the fact that while Emma and Snow MIGHT be the ones to make it out of the portal, it's far more likely Cora will win. In the name of practicality, the two schemers decide to pull a heist!



Is it too soon to make a joke regarding who could have helped them? Technically he's been dead twenty-eight years, sooooooo...?

• Back in the Fairytale Land, the Disney Princess Brigade gets to Rumpelstiltskin's cell. Unfortunately for them, they don't find the ink-- only a piece of paper with Emma's name written on it over, and over, and over again...it's, like, TOTALLY "Criminal Minds: European Folklore."
• Suddenly Aurora traps them in their cell! Has she betrayed them all? Is she jealous that Mulan got a sundial patent and didn't split the reward with her? No, nothing nearly so melodramatic, it's just Cora and Hook using her disembodied heart to possess her.
• Cora and Hook snatch the compass back. Hook takes a moment to let Emma know, in no uncertain terms, that they are never, ever, EVER getting back together. She could care less. The shippers should care less, but we do. We DO care. Many a "Captain Swan" fan will spend the month of December aching for the Romance of the Year to pick up again.



Yes, Leah Michelle...Yes, we have.

• Regina and Gold cackle and tiptoe up to the Magic Well in the Storybrooke Woods (remember the one from last year's finale? The one that Gold poured the True Love Potion into in order to bring magic back to Storybrooke?) Together, they dump the magic they stole from the fairy-dust mines into the well via a lightning-bolt, booger-colored so that we know it's bad.
• Henry and Ruby show up, horrified at what Regina has done. Regina and Gold assure them that it's a necessary and realistic defense; Cora will most likely defeat Emma and Snow, thus allowing herself to enter Storybrooke and hurt Henry. The kid is less than understanding.
• In the Fairytale Land, Mulan further proves her intelligence by locating the ink bottle. It's empty, unfortunately. Snow then realizes that the ink is within the paper, written a thousand times as Emma's name. She blows the words off the scroll of Creeper Paper and into the bars, thus releasing them.
• The Disney Princess Brigade arrives to the lake where Hook and Cora were about to jump into a portal to Storybrooke. They have a REALLY, uber-intense battle with lots of "Girl, please" and "This place about to" moments, it's really quite exciting. (Oh, and Hook and Emma have more eyesex. LOTS more. That's probably the real reason Cora is angry, because she thinks Emma is stealin' "her man.")
• Eventually, Mulan gets Aurora's heart back and goes off to free her. Cora tries to grab Emma's heart, but it won't work- a big blast of energy comes out of Emma's heart and knocks Cora down.



Emma has the Power of Heart!

• Emma and Snow make it back to Storybrooke safely, thanks to Regina deciding to trust Henry that Good would win and Emma and Snow would be the ones to come through the portal, resulting in a vastly-painful spell in which Regina sucked up the evil booger-colored lightning bolt so that Snow and Emma survived the trip home.
• Henry is totally ungrateful, but luckily Emma has better manners. Snow kisses David and wakes him up, Henry FINALLY thanks Regina before going off to get dinner with Emma, and Regina is very sad because Gold rubs the whole "There goes your son, off to look up to another woman as his mother figure" thing in her face. In the Fairytale Land, Mulan and Aurora go off to look for the way to restore Philip.
• Off in the distance, Hook and Cora sail up to Storybrooke harbor in a freaking PIRATE SHIP; apparently they had a magic bean left over from the Giant's house that allowed them to navigate the portal and arrive in Storybrooke. They roll up, all ready to conquer, like, you just KNOW they're jamming to Ke$ha and getting ready to take over Storybrooke. And the cool thing is...I almost found myself rooting for 'em.

 

What I Thought:

 

   I loved the ending. I freaking LOVED the ending. I just cannot...I mean, that's so cool. That is SOOOOOO cool, and you all know it. But, ah... *ahem* I suppose I should try and reclaim a little bit of professionalism for the "review" portion of this post.

    The best part of this episode was the ending. That's not to say the rest was bad, because it wasn't. It was decent stuff. Nothing too surprising, simply because all signs had been pointing to this, but it was still enjoyable. Snow and Emma got home, Cora and Hook were defeated for now, Regina managed to get a little bit farther in her relationship to Henry...not too surprising.

   The ending, on the other hand, blew me out of the water, almost literally. This is something that has clearly been being built towards all season, and it had to happen in the way that it did. Emma and Snow have been battling Cora and Hook all season long, but we always kind of knew they'd win. Because, as Henry kept insisting, "Good always wins." That might not be the case for much longer. Cora, who clearly is a more powerful mage than Regina and possibly Gold, has arrived in Storybrooke. The very thing Regina and Gold were afraid of is occurring before our very eyes, right after multiple episodes of people telling us how bad this would be if it came to pass. With Cora in power, arriving in Storybrooke, I'm really looking forward to a lot of Fairytale Land conventions being challenged. Love might not conquer all, because Cora's launching an attack that she can, and likely will, win.

    I think we're looking ahead to a Storybrooke at war. In a war, people tend to change and grow up, and now always for the better. Henry might have to adjust his naivete a bit over the second half of the season, starting in January. Maybe things will be less black and white, now that we're back in our world. Surely with Neal on his way and Emma's possible romantic feelings for Hook, that's something that's got potential romantically as well as morally. Regina clearly wants to remain a presence in Henry's life, which may not happen with Emma back in the picture. So what does she do-- fight Emma to be in Henry's life again? Will Emma give in, or try to keep Henry for herself? I think we're going to be seeing a lot of grey in the second half of this season, and Good might not always win in every decision that will be made...

 

My Score: 7/10. A somewhat predictable plot was redeemed by an exciting lead into the rest of the season.

 

My Predictions for The Show's Return:

-Emma will try to leave Storybrooke to be with Neal.

-Hook will develop feelings for Emma, but she won't visibly reciprocate (if she does eventually admit to them, it won't be until the Season Finale).

-Henry will learn magic from Regina.

-Belle will break things off with Gold, so that Hook can't use her against him. It'll work about as well as it did for Spider-Man and Mary Jane.

-We won't hear from August, Mulan, or Aurora for awhile...

-...but we'll get some new "modernizations" of fairy tale characters who have been in Storybrooke this whole time, just in the background (I know there were rumors of Ariel, Aladdin, and Jafar for this season, along with Wizards of Oz characters. Of course, the rumors started this past summer, so they might not be accurate, but we can only hope!)

 

 

(Disclaimer: As always, I've used a lot of gifs, cultural references, memes, and photos. If you or someone you know owns/made one of the gifs/photos/etc., comment below and let me know- I'll take it down, if that's what you wish. I don't claim ownership of any of them, I just browse Tumblr and other sites for ones that fit my blog. Also, I own none of the media I reference. "Once Upon a Time" belongs to ABC, Ke$ha songs belong to Ke$ha, "Glee" belongs to Fox, God knows who "Captain Planet" belongs to, etc., etc...I own nothing.)